The term “man cave” is familiar to most of us. A man needs his own space to do his man thing, right? I am all for a man having his own space. As for me, I require my own space as well, and I think every woman can benefit from a space she can call her own.
I have a shed that my husband built for me, and it’s my space. I write in there, read, lay in my hammock and daydream, or practice yoga. I love it, and my kids like to visit me there as well. One of my son’s friends observed that it was “a pretty spiffy hut”, and it remains the Spiffy Hut. Here’s what my Woman Cave offers me.
I do not need to respond to anyone in my sanctuary.
If you’re a mom, you have radar. When you are at home with your family, your radar is always on. Does anybody need anything? What’s for dinner? How’s the homework going? Who has had a tough day? After awhile it can become easy to just check out on your own signals.
When I’m in my studio (that’s what I call it), I have abdicated. My kids are teenagers now, so they understand. When they were younger, I put my husband on alert when I decided to abdicate for a time. In the peace and solitude, I can discover how I’m really feeling and what I need to do for myself so I don’t be that mom who’s always wigged out.
No arguments allowed.
No kid may bring an argument into my sanctuary. It’s the rule. If they want to squabble, they go somewhere else. I always have a neutral zone to seek asylum in!
I can put a sign on the door and people will know to go away.
I work at home. I have a number of places I can set up, but they all have easy access for offspring. In the dining room, hungry teenagers can interrupt. In the living room, the gregarious spouse can engage. The cat can come and chew on my braid and pull out the cord on my laptop. Even in my bedroom the teenagers march in.
On my studio, there is a sign that goes on the door when I am at work. It is a polite sign, and it means “Not now! Mom at work.”
The décor is all mine, so it relaxes me completely.
The only person I have to please in my own space is me, so I indulge in what makes me feel good. My room is overwhelmingly purple, and I love it that way. I am surrounded my colors and objects that make me feel good, so when I am there I am relaxed. It is a therapeutic space.
It has become a healing place for everyone.
Everyone else thinks so too. If my sign is not on the door, family members come out to my spiffy hut and hang out with me. I have had some wonderful conversations with my children in my room.
When our beloved cat Zoe died, we were all devastated. She was a little stray we had rescued, and she’d had a hard life. We loved her so much and she died too soon. We all went into my little room and held each other and cried.
A woman cave has multiple functions, both for her and for the people she loves. Every woman should have one!
More from Elizabeth Danu:
Not Interested in Meditation? Try Tai Chi for the Same Benefits
How I Approach the Tough Topics with My Teenagers
Get Your Husband to Do His Share of the Housework