This is all theoretical and I am not admitting to doing any of this.
It is the sole responsibility of the individual reading what to do with this information.
This is just a creative work by the writer not intended for real world use.
I would just like to point out that the military is not a place for someone that loves their country. You are not there to serve the people you are there to serve politicians, senators, the president, and your “superiors” They would never let you know this before you join, but honestly their interests only really involve themselves, and if it so happens to be the same interest as the people then they are more than happy to exploit that.
The truth is the military is trying to push out anyone that does not perfectly conform to their standards i.e. suck ups, easily controlled, naive, basically either idiots, or people that have a self interest, or people that are there for just a paycheck are their intended targets for maintaining in and letting them make it a career. The superiors referring to the higher ranking individuals, more often than not are lazy, self centered idiots who’s only goal is to make the next rank.
I served in the navy and found that most E-7’s and above are sellouts. They literally have to otherwise they get ostracized to the point where their career is hanging by a thread, and they get no support from the rest of the chain of command if they don’t sell out. There was a very high portion of officers that I know who are just entitled people with degrees. It saddens me to see someone that I can outperform get payed 3x that of what I got paid. I had to bow, scrape and grovel to these douches. I will say there is one good officer for every three, its just that it doesn’t matter those idiot officers are usually the ones staying in and making it to the higher ranks. Well back to chiefs it honestly makes me laugh that the leadership style of an E-6 literally has to change to conform with the E-7 leadership style. Thus if you were already a good leader as an E-6 you just might not be what they want as an E-7. There is some sort of brainwashing that goes on when a person makes E-7 in the navy, and if it doesn’t perfectly take root, well you sure better hope you don’t mess up.
If you want a place that will pay you to be lazy. The policy makers for the entire armed forces are making that possible for you. The power that the superiors had is actually disintegrating, what they can’t do to you is now a very long list.
My military guide for the lazy individual is to…
be on the edge of out of shape and in shape –
if you like working out they actually give you more work hours to work out. If you fail a physical assessment, just don’t fail one before one of your advancements or three in a row.
be compliant in most tasks, but if you don’t like the job claim an injury-
Claiming an injury will force them to have you go to medical, just make sure it’s believable i.e. pulled muscled, pains something that can’t be seen physically, but is believable.
if you can actually get injured and still stay in –
.e. broken arm, broken leg do it because you get disability when you get out, just make sure to have it look like it did something to cause you pain even after it is healed… The military is required to pay all of your medical bills related to the injury for the rest of your life, until you’re well they have to keep you in, thus you’re still earning a paycheck. If you can do this close to a deployment, then you should be able to get out of most of it.
I would say join where you will make rank quick, make E-5 get out of the barracks and start receiving BAH then get “injured” Just find out the job with the highest advancement percentage in the navy-
the rest of the branches literally all depend on your chain of command and how much they like you…, so if you feel you can be liked enough to get advanced quick then do it. In the navy its all about the test and so long as you get at least a “P” on your eval, and as long as you pass the test and the advancement is high, my job was 100% for E-4 and E-5 when i took the exam thus i made E-5 in 2 1/2 years from joining
To make more money from the start find a girl who is willing to be your pseudo-wife-
you get paid more for being married. Just make sure to sign a prenup stating that she will not try to take anything if you decide to divorce her for some reason. pay her an allowance and let her do her own thing and take solace in the fact that you will be making more money.
Make sure if you’re gonna do drugs, do things that won’t be detected by drug tests, or get in tight with your pee test coordinator and make sure you’re paying them off right.
Make sure to suck up to the right superiors,-
if you can get in tight with higher ranking individuals then you have a much better support system if you were to ever mess up.
If you do mess up, try to do it with an officer, if you come in having done the same thing as an officer your likelihood of actually getting in trouble is really diminished.
I saw guys that should have gotten ARI’s get off scott free because they had done it with an officer.
You see the good ol’ boy system is in effect, and officers will look out for each other.
So if you want to be able to have a good time that’s kind of on the edge make sure to do it with an officer. Most captains will not punish officers. If you do happen to get in trouble and the officer you were with does not, you now have leverage on your captain. Report what happened to the next higher authority than your captain, and make sure to have as much damning evidence as you can get. Video being the best. If the next higher command does nothing post it even higher. Make sure their system is in danger of being exposed. I would say losing an officer friend is much better than having a dishonorable discharge on your record. If you do happen to do this, i would recommend finding a way out of the military as soon as possible… pretend to be suicidal or break something that will make it so you can’t perform your duties, because they’re going to screw you after that.
Make sure all of your mistakes are minor, and don’t make waves in the wrong places… too many mistakes will get you kicked out.
If you don’t mind putting a little effort in do everything that it takes to be one of the most liked people in your command, this will allow you a lot of leeway when it comes to bigger mistakes.
You are really only allotted like 1-2 big mistakes throughout your career so make sure to use them wisely. The get out of jail free card is tricky to get a hold of as an enlisted member.
I would also like to point out that if you happen to be attached to a ship, boat, sub… janitorial duties are of the highest priority.-
It is one of the favorite things of an admiral to come down for an inspection and find something dirty and give an unsatisfactory on cleanliness to the vessel. They like to make the enlisted personnel their own personal cleaning slaves as much as possible. Thus do not be upset if most of your time is not spent doing your job, because if that was all you did then they might actually have decently trained, and more job aware personnel.
I would also recommend picking up smoking-
you are allowed a lot more breaks if you are a smoker.
Make sure to schedule as many appointments as possible, with medical, dental, heck even with a counselor(financial, mental, marriage)
Never enroll in SARP if you can help it and you are a drinker
If you do not drink, feign a drinking problem and go to SARP
It is a bad mark on your record for if you actually do develop a drinking problem though.
More and more programs come out that allow for laziness-
make sure to use them to your advantage.
If you are actually joining to make it a career and you’re a decently hard worker, and are not there just to make money. I will give you my best wishes. I joined with that same goal in mind. What I found was a place where hard work is not what makes a good sailor. It is who you know and who you suck up to. If you want a decent chance at actually having a good career, you have to be personable, able to receive injustice and not stand up for yourself, allow others to degrade you and just let it roll off, don’t be a total suck up because that’s too much.
Make sure you are always in the right place at the right time. Put the boat before your personal life at least until you are at a high enough standing to allow yourself some you time. You have to make yourself generally liked by all of the higher ups. I still recommend getting a job that you can advance quickly in because that is job security, because without rank you can’t stay in past a certain amount of years. To retire you have to make it to E-6. I will say this job knowledge is a good thing to have and I recommend a decent degree of proficiency.
If you want to be the top performer though,
you need to be quick with quals = if you are bad at learning things then be a good suck up
need to show initiative = if you see a problem, make sure to report it tell them you can fix it(if you can) and fix it. if you can’t fix it make sure you’re the one taking all the steps to make sure it is fixed. no one get rewarded for work that no one saw.
if it was decreed by the upper chain then be enthusiastic about it they do control your life after all why not show some fake enthusiasm about what they’re doing even if it sucks.
Now if you really want some ability to be all that you can terribly be, go to school and join as an officer.
Most officers have workloads that include paperwork, paperwork, oh ya and paperwork. You rarely have to do any manual labor and your ability to be lazy is really increased.
If you are a bit of a screw up and feel you want a decent paying job, get a degree in whatever you want… and go to OCS and join. I ran into some real blockheads for officers, and honestly I wasn’t allowed to do crap about it. The military is very supportive of their officers and will basically treat you like a king. You just have to pass the schools, which from what I saw couldn’t be very hard.
Your rank increases are a little slower than enlisted, but you get paid the same amount as an E-6 of 8 years would get paid starting, so it’s not so bad.
You also rarely have to live in a barracks, so you’ll pretty much be able to receive BAH throughout most of your career.
If you’re an entitled SOB or just someone that enjoys being a douche well being an officer is well worth your while, because you can treat the enlisted people as horrible as you want and get away with it. Just make sure it doesn’t involve too much illegal crap, you still are somewhat accountable to the law, though you have greatly increased your leeway by becoming an officer.
If you are a douche though, just watch your step because most enlisted personnel don’t take kindly to douche bag officers.
I wasn’t an officer so I can’t really say much more about them so if you feel you want to become an officer talk to someone that actually was one.
I again am only stating an opinion this is from watching situations unfold while I was in.
I will certify that there was at least one individual who got away with one if not many of the things mentioned in this one way or another.
I do not condone actually implementing any of the said things in this, it is your own choice to do so.
I was in the navy for 5 years, I made E-5 in 2 1/2 years pretty quick advancement, I was never given an award. I experimented through my career on what amount of effort was required to get the same evaluation as my highest degree of effort. I found that so long as you can outperform most of your division’s personnel(which for me wasn’t very hard) you can pretty much be as lazy as you want and still receive the same evaluation as that for your hardest of work.
I came in thinking well I’ll do what I do in every job and try to work as hard as I can and get rewarded the same, come to find out I was totally wrong. I was surpassing even some of the personnel that had gotten to my command before me in qualifications, allowing me to do more work and actually help out. When the guy that got there the same time as me, was well behind me in qualifications, could not do any work, and was an all around douche was awarded for being the “Junior Sailor of the Quarter” I of course shrugged this off as luck on his part because he was a suck up.
Well I stuck with it got fully qualified save for my highest qualification well before everyone who got there with me and before a couple of the guys that got there before me. i got a “P” on my evaluation later, while the guy that got there with me got an “EP” i started to slow down on my work doing less and less every day. I figured I was doing well, and was fast pacing myself so slowing down didn’t really hurt too much it actually just relieved a lot of stress.
Well I made E-5 and my chief came up to me and told me that he felt that I was lazy and didn’t deserve and never would deserve E-5. I felt that was BS since I had passed the test and was rightfully given my rank increase, thus the navy felt i deserved it. I got extremely pissed at this point… I was literally one signature away from being all the way done with my highest qualification. I gave up at this point and stopped trying. I was soon awarded with an evaluation and low and behold even with my slacking a little on my work I still was awarded a “P” while the other guy who was slowly catching up to me in qualifications received another “EP”
I let the other guy pass me up in qualifications, the only thing that happened to me was that I was told to smash trash, as my only job. My chief thought it was a punishment, but being the hard worker I was I soon made it into a reward. I was required to smash trash after every meal and during every field day and make sure the trash room was spotless. I got this routine down so well that I was literally only working four hours a day (just so you know even chiefs don’t have it that good.) It wasn’t like I had done anything wrong either just slowed down my qualification process. Well he soon found out that it was a good deal so I was pulled off that detail. it was the evaluation period shortly after this and low and behold another “P”
I did finish my qualifications and was soon standing my top watch station for my job. I was performing really well and had few mistakes. I was also the second go to guy for maintenance or tag outs, I was the most trusted tagout person onboard my command and I decided to start doing more work and actually trying again. I of course was doing more work and staying longer than anyone in my division. The evaluations came out and I was awarded another “P”
I soon came to an understanding that I would never be accepted as a hardworking member of my division so I just gave up and stopped putting any effort into anything. I made excuses for anything I could get out of and was rewarded with another “P” evaluation.
Meanwhile the guy who got there with me was put in charge of his own division, and since my boat was in shipyard he was allowed a lot of free reign. He came into work to report in. Then left to continue his daytrading. He would then come back at lunch show some face, and leave an hour later. He was then rewarded with a NAM for all of his hardwork. When it was the other guy in his division doing all of the work. The other guy wouldn’t leave until everything was done, because he actually gave a small amount of craps about his job. The guy who got there with me took advantage of this and told the guy to keep it up, of course to make sure he had face time the guy would show up and do small tasks that he could exploit to the chain of command.
Well then my LPO made chief and they tried to make this guy my LPO when he left. i of course couldn’t allow this, since he had treated me like crap since the day we had met. He literally told me one day that if he had the chance he would ruin my life, just because he could. So I forced my captain and COB to remove me from that division. I was rewarded on my eval with guess what another “P”
So I then did the same thing with my new division that I had done with my trash compactor duties. I worked hard alongside the other guy in my division. We soon had gotten our division to the point where it took very little effort to complete our duties every day. We had everything that could be fixed, fixed and when we were assigned bigger tasks, we muscled our way through it. We were able to strike a deal with our COB that we could leave if all of our work was done, since the COB was also our Divisional chief. In the end I was getting done with work before noon if not then maybe a little after lunch. I left the navy with guess what evaluations yup you guessed a “P”
My thesis is that hard work alone is not enough to get you recognized and you will actually be resented for doing so if you don’t have some degree of social significance. You must always exploit what you do, make sure everyone sees that you do things. Make a big fuss about being able to do the simplest of tasks. Make sure that you volunteer for extra responsibilities, if they are easy good for you, it only matters that you do volunteer. Show enthusiasm even when you’re not enthused. If you do these things you will be a good navy sell out.
I was too much of a realist, I let them know my opinion, I actually cared how i and others were treated, I showed lack of enthusiasm when I felt it was something stupid, I undervalued my own work and didn’t care if I got credit for it or not. In the end most of the command was begging me to stay, but I had such a low opinion of it by that point that I left mid deployment. I feel for my own sanity it was the best decision for me. I of course was told that I was a pretty much a traitor for not staying, but I just couldn’t see it as much of a benefit. Extend and make another 20thousand and get 90 days of leave at the end and lose my sanity or keep my sanity and leave with what I already had saved. I chose the latter. If anybody reads this and actually wants me to finish this expose’ on my life they should comment. I find it rather dry, but I feel if I had read this prior to joining, I probably would not have joined.