First off my teenagers are all grown. Therefore, I am past the teenage years. So what does an old woman have to offer a parent who is dealing with a troubled teenager?
Many of us parents think each child came out of the same mold. Children of the same parents are individuals even Identical twins are individuals. https://www.parenting.com
Comparing one child to the other child is wrong; however, parents and teachers both do this. As adults, we do not want to be compared to anyone else. How would it make you feel if you were compared to a mother or better yet an ex-spouse? The number one mistake is comparing children. Children are not products they are human being just like adults with feelings.
Children want boundaries set:
At an early age children need boundaries. These boundaries change as each child grows. Boundaries make a child feel safe and loved. Again because each child is different the boundary has to be slightly different.
Children need to be taught responsibility:
As children grow these responsibilities also grow. I taught my children at an early age “if you can take a toy out of the toy box; then you can put it back in the toy box.” A child should have to clean his/her room, make the bed and put the dirty clothes in a laundry basket. I know; “but they never make it right?” They are not going to learn to make a bed right if mom (or dad) remakes it. This only tells the child he/she cannot do anything to please the parent.
Children learn more from parents than from the teachers:
You may think your children are not listening to you but they are watching your actions and those actions speak load and clear. If you tell a child it is wrong to lie and you lie to a friend, but it is only a “little white lie” tell the child. Where do you draw the line?
Being a teenager is stressful. Just as you and I have stress from everyday life so do our teens. How we handle our stress tells them how to deal with their stress. Think about what it was like as a teenager and it is so much more difficult now days with TV, internet, classmates and parents too busy to spend time with their children. If we do not make time for our teenagers somebody else will.