Feelings are not real, they’re constructed out of our thoughts and our view of the world. Fortunately, human beings can choose how they want to feel. Negative feelings are caused by thoughts of blame, over-sensitivity, and justification.
When you blame someone, or yourself, for something that has gone wrong you create anger – which, when uncontrolled, has caused wars, destroyed societies and countless individual lives. Since any behavior you repeat over and over again become habit, once you start getting angry at things it can become impossible to stop. One day you’ll be angry at your boss for giving you a bad review and the next day you will be angry at the universe in general because you dropped a fork. Don’t play the blame game, try to remember that anyone can be in error including yourself and that it’s okay.
Over-sensitivity is created when you take the opinions of others too personally. People spend most of their time thinking about themselves, not sitting around thinking of you, so when you receive criticism or ridicule it may be because the person dishing it out is really thinking of themselves. Likewise you could become oversensitive due to and undue attachment to something. You take an event to be a personal affront against you and your beliefs because you are too attached to the situation. Getting upset when a store employee asks you to move your car from the fire lane or when a judge doesn’t award you the prize you think you deserve in a competition for instance. If you can detach and observe the situation without emotion you can get an objective view of it and determine if it’s really worth getting upset about.
When you tell yourself how badly you have been treated and how unfair your life is you’re giving strength to your negative emotions through justification. Everyone has had a tough time in their own way, justifying present behavior with it only creates more bad behavior in an endless cycle. Fortunately, breaking it is simple – excuse the people who wronged you. When someone cuts you off in traffic just think “oops, I should be more careful.” Withdraw the fuel from the fire and you’ll stop feeling angry.
Your negative emotions don’t do you any good. They do not change the situation, they only undermine your happiness and self confidence, making you weaker at a time and place when you need strength.