When nothing’s working when we’re trying to lose weight, we tend to feel like giving up, but it’s exactly the time when we shouldn’t. I’m grateful for being a buzz saw against the force that was destroying me. Being overweight was killing me in many ways, destroying me as a person. I’ve been torn apart, and it’s taken a very longtime to “put the pieces back together.” I’d eat myself sick. It was wrong of me, and it’s wrong of you each time you do it. Every time we “don’t protect ourselves, care for ourselves, or nurture ourselves in a positive way, etc., we’re destroying ourselves more.” Do you want to continue destroying yourself?
We have 24 hours ahead of us.
I remember all the deals I used to make with myself. I’ll sacrifice, and I’ll be thin in 2 months, 6 months, “oh, I won’t have anymore worries in a year, I just need to lose these 200 pounds this year.” Think about the pressure of that? And, all the other warped ideas and thoughts you’ve had about weight loss? How can you think so far ahead, if you can’t even make it through today? I could never “make it through today,” because I was always starving, binging, and miserable. How could I “make it through today,” if I don’t even have a plan that will get me through it, without being destructive to my body. Seriously, think in terms of this. I kept beating myself up, because I had no clue of how to live “today,” and all I wanted was to be something(someone) else, in a set time-frame, whatever time-frame I saw fit. It was a terrible way to be with myself. All I needed to do, was focus on living today, 24 hours, and coming up with a way to be successful at it. All I needed to do, was stop focusing on an “end result,” I couldn’t possibly live up to. All I needed, was 24 hours to change my life around. A string of 24 hours, think about that. You wake, what will you do? You’ll need a schedule, a job, time to plan your meals, time to prepare them, exercise time, family time, quiet time to journal write, etc. It’s time you make your 24 hours work for you.
What do you value in your life?
I’m not going to say I didn’t value my life, because I did. I was just a big mess, and I didn’t want to acknowledge my value. I was an angry person, and sometimes, I still am(I have no trouble admitting it). Now, I can say, I do value my life and many things around me. I value respect, both self-respect and respecting others. I value kindness, making a difference if I can to someone or a cause, and I value what this great earth has to offer us. I value opportunity, and the freedom I have, to accomplish what I set out to do. I value being an inspiration, and having others inspire me. I value relationships, or admiring someone from a far. I see life, in such a new way, and it is so rich with its offerings. Life, for me, is completely anew. Those times I could have given up, I didn’t, because I always knew my life was a gift. When things got so bad and so hard, it didn’t matter, because I knew I was here given life for a reason. Sharing a part of myself and my life, is more value than I could ask for.
We reap the benefits of practice and commitment to ourselves.
The days will only keep on passing us by. We have the conscious decision to make, are we going to let them pass us by, or are we going to be actively in celebration with them. I can’t believe I just wrote that(smiles). “Actively in celebration,” with our days? Ok, so, if you turn things around like I have, you’ll find yourself feeling that same way. I remember, I used to dread the mornings arrival. I loved school, but I didn’t want to go because I was fat. If I only knew all the things I know today, I would have done them sooner. I didn’t know how though, until eventually it became clear, I was doing everything wrong. I had a moment, and I knew I had to change it all because it was obvious, nothing was working. It was as if I decided one day to throw everything out of my bedroom closet and start all over again. So, I threw away all of my ideas about weight loss, and I decided to start out simple. I knew how hard all my failed attempts were, so what was going to be “simple,” about this? Practice and commitment! Losing weight wasn’t easy, until I paid really close attention to “how I was doing.” I added healthy ideas, used trial and error, and I never stop learning. I had to practice new ways, new habits, things I wasn’t so happy about, but I got through it. It never would have began, if I didn’t make the commitment to change. I really didn’t have much choice. I was in a “now or never situation,” and I chose to live. What are you waiting for to start practicing new ways? Make the commitment today, because it’s much easier than you think.
Stubbornness is stupid.
My dad is emotionally abusive towards me, and I punished myself for it with food. I punished myself everyday, because I didn’t feel loved, I felt alone, and I wanted my families acceptance. I never felt any of those things with them growing up. Sometimes, still today, it’s a challenge for me to not feel sad in their presence or with thoughts of my family. These things happen, it exists, and it’s a real issue, which can really hurt us. I won’t hush, and I won’t keep things a secret, like I used to. We need to “feel what we feel, and not let anyone silence us.” But, I also want you to know about that stubbornness, which kept me punishing myself, and was my way at getting back at them for hurting me. “Oh, was I getting back at them!” Actually, I wasn’t. I was only hurting myself. I was punishing myself with food, and I was too stubborn to think of myself. The reality, is as complicated as this may seem, we do crazy things like this, and all we’re doing is hurting ourselves. We just don’t realize, what hurt, food, anger, and other emotions, etc., can do to us. We end up spiting ourselves. When are you going to stand up, and realize what you’re doing to yourself? Can’t you see what stubbornness leads to? It led me to places I never knew I’d ever end up. It almost literally, led me to fight for my life. I had to pick myself up and fight my way back, and I’ve fought for everything I have today. It’s the only way to do it.
It’s time you stop fighting it.
When I think of “fighting it,” I think of the fight against “what really works.” How often do we fight the things that are “the best for us?” We often don’t want to do what’s best for us. Is it just too hard? Are you not worthy of good things? Nothing is hard enough that you can’t get through it, and you’re definitely worthy. I don’t even think of, “NOT doing what’s best for me.” My goodness, how my life has changed. Now, instead of destroying myself, I’m busy planning all the new and wonderful things I want to have and want to do. It’s a far cry from how life once was. I don’t need to fight anything, because I’m pretty much in control. I’m too busy, living to celebrate my life, than to be destructive. I live by a new code now, one that celebrates me, rather than lets things tear me apart. Why in the world would you punish yourself with food? Why in the world was I? It makes me sad, because I know so many people are doing it to themselves. I look back over my life, and it still makes me sad that I lost years of living to my weight battle, but I take comfort that I’m living at a level now, which makes up for it all. I’m living an abundant life, and that’s what I want for you. “Living,” is one thing, but what about “fully living?” There is a difference. You may think you’re living, but are you really? You may be doing everything for your family, for your kids, and the family seems happy, but what about you? Ask yourself, “what about me?” Stop fighting change, because it opens up a whole new world of happiness.
I had so much to learn about life and weight issues. I was able to get my weight under control, and go from obese to fit. A 20 year weight battle. It could have killed me. How many years do you have? Shall I ask, how much time do you have in? Because being overweight, it can be like a prison, right? I want you to see that yesterday is over, and today and each day forward, you have new choices to make. So, what’s it going to be? What are you waiting for? Don’t you want to change? I’d imagine you do? I hope this time you won’t give up, and you’ll hang in long enough to see the process work. It takes time, I’m not going to fool you. The question, is your willingness. Bring with you the willingness and trust, and be a working part of the process. Stick with it, and you’ll be on your way to weight loss success.
– Weight Loss Series: Coming to Terms and Admitting Things – Day 2
– Guide to Water Fasting for Weight Loss
– 60 Day Water and Coconut Water Fast – Day 35