When people ask how long it took my husband to propose, I’m almost embarrassed to tell them. More often than not, I’m told we rushed to the altar. But when I replay it in my head, it feels like we couldn’t get there fast enough. As a woman with bipolar disorder, I already have trouble with relationships. My longest friendship went on for about a year. Before my husband, my record for relationships was two weeks. I would jump in on an impulse when my mood was high, but soon the person I hung around would become boring and get on my nerves.
When I met my husband, I gave him full disclosure. I told him the guy who lasted two weeks was really special, and he shouldn’t expect to beat that. Three weeks later we were inseparable, and at one month I was playing with the idea of running away together. The problem was, of course, that I didn’t want to scare him off. Even I knew that saying “We’ve known each other for a month now. Let’s get married!” was crazy.
But by then, he knew a great deal about me. He had been through both extremes of my disorder and survived. He knew I wanted to get married and had already told me to wait. I wasn’t going to push it, but I was going crazy.
Finally, at two and a half months, we sat by the river drinking really horrible beer and he did it. He lifted his can in a toast and said “I want to marry you. Please marry me.” I managed to reply something along the lines of “Yeah, okay, let’s do it.” before I processed what was happening and giggled for ten minutes straight.
We waited about six months, after our first big fight, to actually get married. Now we’re almost to our second anniversary with an apartment and new daughter. Did we rush into it? Maybe. But we talk a lot about how time seems to go in dog years for me. While others can wait three years together before proposing, that simply seems like a lifetime to me. I’m proud to say I’m very happy with my husband and daughter. I’m happier still that he didn’t make me wait three years to propose.
Do you think young people today rush into relationships? What are the benefits of waiting?