Santa Claus has Christmas, the Easter Bunny has Easter, and Cupid has Valentine’s Day. I think it’s about time we recognize all of those people who go the extra mile to annoy us on a daily basis. Perhaps if we limited their inane behavior to just one day a year, the rest of us wouldn’t get whiplash from shaking our heads all day long. So, here are the Top Ten Annoying People who deserve their very own holiday.
1. High-Waisted Pants Day – for all of those ladies and gents out there who like to keep their trousers hiked just a bit higher than the average bear.
2. Anti-Turn Signal Day – This is for all of you not-so-safe drivers on the road who for some reason think that turn signals are optional.
3. “Top That” Thursday – the first Thursday of each month is dedicated to those co-workers or party guests who can top any story you tell. We all know this person – for every story you tell, they have a bigger, better, more outlandish tale to tell. (Hint: If you don’t know who this person is, it’s probably you!)
4. Exact Change Month – I think we need to dedicate an entire month to those ladies in the store who know that if they dig deep enough, and take up just a little more of their neighbor’s time, they can find that 39 cents.
5. National Slow Walkers Wednesday – one Wednesday a year, we need a special day to commemorate those mall shoppers and promenade pensioners who insist on holding up the crowd by walking just a bit too slow for our liking.
6. Express Lane Blinders – you know that lady in front of you in the express lane who has 27 items more than the 12 specified on the giant sign at the top of the checkout aisle? She needs her own holiday. This way, the other 364 days will be safe for the rest of us who really just want to buy a box of tampons or can of dog food and don’t want to spend 20 minutes in line behind the price-check queens. It is important that this day not fall during Exact Change Month – that could bring our already troubled economy to a screeching halt!
7. Too Good Samaritans – I am all for letting a fellow driver jump in front of me when he’s trying oh so hard to turn out of the McDonald’s parking lot. However, there is a limit to just how generous a person should be with other people’s time. So, this day is for that guy in the Minivan who decides to let just about everyone in shouting distance pull out in front of him, causing me to miss not one but two green lights!
8. Slice It Thin! Week – this is for everyone who makes the poor kid in the deli slice their cheese 4 times until it has just the right amount of thickness. Let’s not worry about who’s going to eat all that cheese the poor guy just had to cut or, heaven forbid, the poor lady (me) stuck behind you in line while you scrutinize the dairy products being sliced to your specifications!
9. National Ha-ha I’m Not Really Pulling Out Day – enough say….for all those suckers who think you’re pulling out of a spot on Christmas Eve outside the only mall still open in the tri-state area, only to find out that you ain’t going anywhere!
9. I’d Like To Return This! – Okay, as we wind down our countdown, I want to make sure we dedicate a day to all of those folks who insist on returning an item without a tag and without a receipt. Some stores don’t require you to have a receipt – and I’m okay with that. But, in order to return an item to a store, it is usually important that the store be able to identify the item in some fashion. But, who is really hurt in this situation? The poor sucker (me) who’s been standing behind you and your overflowing cart in the express lane on Christmas Eve, after spending 5 minutes looking for a parking spot because it’s National Ha-ha I’m Not Really Pulling out Day and nobody wants to let me have their spot, only to get cut off by the High-Waisted gentleman who has decided to let 4 cars pull in front of him and take the spot that I have been waiting oh so patiently for! Oh wait – it’s my turn. Did you say $11.14? I’m sure I have 14 cents somewhere here in my purse!