I don’t want children. Neither does my wife. We haven’t wanted kids for the majority of our lives. I have found that whenever I tell someone that we don’t want children, they always have a reason why we will change our minds. Below are the three most popular reasons people give me and my wife why we should have kids, and why those aren’t really good reasons.
1. You’ll be Lonely
I have always felt like this was a poor reason to have a child. I don’t want to have a child simply so I won’t be lonely in my latter years. Yes, there is very good chance that I will end up in a nursing home, but I would probably end up in one if I had children anyway.
2. Children Are So Rewarding.
I am sure they are, but I don’t want to rely on someone else for fulfillment. Parents have a lot of control over how their children turn out, but sometimes parents just have bad children. A good friend of mine has a younger brother who has been addicted to drugs, and been in and out of jail for most of his adult life. She was raised exactly the same as he was, yet he turned out bad. Having children is like flipping a coin, and hoping you don’t get one of the bad ones, because you never really know.
Additionally I want the freedom that comes with not having children. I want to be able to pick up and leave, move to another country at a moments notice without having to think about how it will affect my children.
3. You’ll Change Your Mind.
I will say that anything is possible, and it is true my wife and I could very well change our minds about children. Still, the fact remains that we have never wanted kids. The idea of being a parent never really felt right. Just as a mother or father cannot separate being that from their identity when they have children, I cannot separate not being a parent from my identity. It simply is what and who I am.
From what I can tell most of the reasons people give me for why I should want kids are selfish, and that’s ok; my reasons for not wanting kids are selfish too. I certainly don’t judge people who have children, that is their choice, it just isn’t a lifestyle I want.