The Top Five Foods in the History of Man have been selected on the basis of taste, and their contribution to the size of my waistline. To be considered, the item must be so delicious that you would never get tired of eating it. It must have staying power, and not be a fad. It must be considered in its true form, not a pre-packaged, mass-produced, enemy of eating that is pulled from a box and irradiated in a microwave.
Whole meals, such as Thanksgiving Dinner, have too many supremely delectable components that they deserve to be addressed in a separate piece.
5. BBQ Pork Spareribs
Who can resist a rack or three of delicious BBQ pork spareribs? When cooked just right the meat falls off the bone and melts away when it hits your tongue. Your teeth almost become superfluous as the smoky pig juices mix with the sauce of your choice and Porky find’s his way into your belly, and all over your face and hands. Yum.
Pizza. If ever you want to silence a screaming child, tell them if they’re good, they’ll get pizza. Aside from quieting obnoxious children, pizza also has all four food-groups represented, making it exceedingly healthy.
3. Pot Stickers
These things need to be pan-fried, not deep-fried or steamed. Use a fork, use your fingers, use chopsticks, or just use your face, it doesn’t matter. You have not lived until you walk into a Chinese restaurant, order a mountain of pot stickers, and lose yourself in Asian-dumpling ecstasy before cracking open a stale fortune cookie.
2. Filet Mignon
Some nights I want to use cutlery, and on those nights I love a fillet mignon. It’s seasoned, it’s buttery in texture, it’s heaven sent. When I first returned from Iraq, I used to get teary-eyed as I alternated mouthfuls of steak with sips of red wine.
Cheeseburgers must be the most adaptable food item in the world. You can influence cheeseburgers from any cuisine you can think of and it will taste great. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert; it doesn’t matter, cheeseburgers can fill the role. (No pun intended.) The genius, is that it takes more effort to ruin a cheeseburger than it takes to get it right — making it almost foolproof.
Without question, the above list is sacrosanct, but how would you fill items 6 through 10?