1. The first of these sinners is The Over Sharer. The title speaks for itself, TMI. For example, their child “finally poo-pooed in the potty!” Congrats, that’s a milestone! Your followers are indeed happy for you and your child! We really didn’t want to see photos, though. Even edited with a super hip, vintage, filter, it’s still a photo of feces, and it just ruined my appetite.
2. The next Sinner is quite the front camera enthusiast, A.K.A., The Selfie-holic. One, or two selfies a week never hurt anyone. If you were blessed with an awesome hair day, on Monday, and a “skinny day(only women relate to this)” on Friday, kudos to you! On the flipside, there’s no reason why we need to see two photos a day of that awesome duck-face. Same duck-face different day. By the way, holding up an inanimate object next to your face, still makes it a selfie. Who casually takes photos with a stapler to inform the world they’re out of staples? No one.
3. The Drama King/Queen. You know who they are! Someone just popped into your head, and the only reason you haven’t deleted them, is because they make Soap Opera’s look like a children’s show. “Oh my God! Someone SERIOUSLY parked in MY FAVORITE parking space at MY FAVORITE gas station! WHO DOES THAT?! #dayruined” Grab some popcorn, scroll down their timeline and prepare for a lot of caps lock.
4. I think we should give the next sinner some kudos for trying, and hope that they read this to realize they’re doing it wrong. #The #Hashtag #Abuser. Don’t get me wrong, I personally use and enjoy hashtags. I recently did a mud run, and I wanted to know what the experience was going to be like prior to the race. So, I looked up the name of the event on Instagram in the hashtag search. It was helpful to see what the course was going to entail, and that’s what hashtags are for. To group all the photos of a certain person, place, thing or phrase. Then, there’s #The #Hashtag #Abuser. #They #tag #each #word #of #their #caption, (#holy #cow #this #is #kind #of #hard) #making #it #painful #to #read #for #no #reason! All in all, do tag nouns or phrases, don’t tag anything else.
5. The Sinner who triggers more eye-rolls than anyone, The “Baller.” Who decided that posting photos of your cash is acceptable? I would never post my bank account balances, so why is cash so noteworthy? We all know you folded that “Stack” in half, and strategically placed the large bills on top. Also, don’t you still live with your parents? Go make it rain somewhere else, like on a mortgage broker.
6. The most aggravating health-cult of all time, The #Fitfam. Now, I’m sure you’re thinking “You’re just a bitter fat girl hiding behind your keyboard.” but, I’m really not! I’m not a health hater at all. I actually just finished competing in a National level fitness show. I love the gym, and I love eating clean whole foods, and I am proud to say I’m not a member of The #Fitfam. The #Fitfam is a grey area in the social media world, I still don’t fully understand it. From what I see, you only have to post one healthy meal per week and/or one gym selfie, caption it with #Fitfam and boom you’re in. It doesn’t even matter that you went to Olive Garden twice, or posted the play by play of your alcohol infested weekend. Once you’re in, you’re in. #fitforlife
7. The last Sinner I’ll address, The Creeper. The Creeper doesn’t care whether you’re married, single, engaged, pregnant, gay, straight or even interested. The Creeper cares about, is that you’re attractive. At first you’ll assume that he/she is just one of those compulsive “likers” who just hits “like” on every post down their feed. Eventually you’ll realize that The Creeper is strategic. They will “like” your selfies, your check ins, your family photos, everything. Unless, your significant other is included in any of those posts. I feel as though The Creeper just has hope that one day your relationship will come to an end and all of their “liking” will come in handy for brownie points. They probably “like” all of your friends’ posts too, though. Coincidence, or desperation? We will never know.