When most people discover the love of their life, they claim it to be the best day of their whole life. Time stops, birds sing, the sunshines bright as ever.. that sort of thing. Well when I found the love of my life at the age of 18, it was the worst night I could have ever imagined.
It all started with four little, seemingly harmless, square pieces of paper. An acquaintance of mine from high school had given them to me and I decided the best way to use them was with my girlfriend while my mother was out of town. This may not seem like the best or the most moral idea but, nevertheless it was the decision I made. I called up my lady and invited her over to explain how the evening was going to proceed. When she arrived at my apartment she sat down and listened to my little spiel. Due to her high levels of anxiety she decided not to partake in the adventure but to only watch and spend time with me, while I took what intended to be her half as well as mine.
The planning involved in this trip was impeccable. The fluorescent lights were dimmed. A groovy effect was put on my computer and a movie was playing so my girlfriend would not be completely bored while I traveled through space and time. The doors were locked and the curtains drawn. I had planned this down to a T… or so I thought. The blotters were placed under my tongue, two on the right and two on the left, and that bitter sweet flavor that only adventurous people have ever had the privilege or misfortune of tasting had christened my mouth. My coveted adventure was about to ensue.
Normally these chemicals would take half an hour to forty five minutes to reach full effect, but within 15 minutes my head was in full swing. The chairs had become one with the floor and the curtains began a tribal dance to worship their gods. Beautiful koi fish were swimming in my linoleum wood floors and my bookshelf was a waterfall cascading with words spilling out unto the ground. I had reached my heaven. I couldn’t think of a place I would rather have been at that moment. I almost forgot my girlfriend was there and realized that at some point I had to socialize with her even though all I wished to do was explore the deep complexities of my mind being personified in all of my material objects.
She called me up stairs to the loft where she was relaxing and watching a movie. I lumbered over to my bed, which was only a mattress on the floor, and curled up next to her so she could stroke my hair while I watched a shadow orgy on my ceiling. Every few minutes she would ask me what I was seeing and I would try to explain to the best of my abilities. What happened next I could not and still cant explain fully. The ringing of my phone was like an icepick through the air, and the words “Mom” were like a foreboding omen that could not leave my brain. If she had only called once I am one hundred percent sure that my brain would have just looked over it and grabbed my attention elsewhere, but my mother had called me seven times. This was the turing point of my night. What I had planned on being a terrific night had now turned into a a living nightmare.
In my head feelings of apprehension were skyrocketing to levels I had never felt before, but on the outside I was calm and collected. There was no reason for my girl to know. Why worry her with my drug induced psychosis? She’s quietly enjoying her movie. I decided to step outside to have a cigarette, calm down, and get some fresh air. I walked down the stairs while they moved upside down and inside out, in a plethora of colors. This living room which had once been a beautiful garden was now a tornado of uncontrollable confusion. But I couldn’t let her know. I stepped outside into the perceived blue light and lit up a calming smoke. I attempted to do some breathing exercises but I soon realized calming down was out of the question because I had began to become two dimensional.
While I was sitting in the blue light which had started to vibrate my whole body, trying to figure out how to go back to three dimensionality, a cheshire cat came to me. When most hear the words “cheshire cat” they imagine a cute pink cat from alice in wonderland. This was not that cat. This wicked monster only stared at me and laughed in a horrible cockney accent, then vanished into thin air. Perplexed at the situation and still terrified I put out my cigarette and started to walk inside. Before I left, I heard two voices behind me. Their raspy voices said “Tell him” the other “No, don’t.. he’ll learn.” and then suddenly like loud thunder, a third voice boomed “He’s mine” I had to get back to my lady. I quickly stepped inside and the rest is the single worst thing that has ever happened to me.
Until this moment I had never had an out of body experience. Until this moment I had always been, and hoped to always be me. At this very moment I became a ball of tentacles writhing in a black and green slime with one eyeball in the middle. In this moment I was face to face with the prince of darkness himself. He was a gigantic creature with large red horns and steaming pouring from his nostrils, compared to him I was a grain of sand and we were floating in space. He picked me up between his pointer finger and thumb and dropped me from what seemed to be one hundred thousand miles in the air into a boiling pot of the galaxy. I will always remember the fall back down to Earth. Never reaching there. Only the fall will be remembered.
I woke up in my girlfriend’s arms on my bead. Tears were streaming down my face. Her shirt was soaked to the point it was discolored from the saturation. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t think. For a moment I still thought I was that ball of tentacles. The only thing tethering me to reality was her. Her body was outlined in a rainbow and her already dark complexion seemed to glow in a strange brown color. She seemed to be mother Earth. She kept on asking me what was wrong. I couldn’t answer. All that I could do was be cradled in her arms. All around us demons flew by while snakes fell from their mouths and slithered underneath my bead. Spiders were coming out of rotten rats and a fire was consuming us, But she was calm. Her eyes were not filled with terror as mine were.
When the fire and brimstone that was my reality began to settle down, and the demons returned back to their hell holes I was left alone. My lady had long since calmed me down and I only had a few more hours until I was back to normal. She was laying beside me, exhausted from taking care of me, sleeping. I couldn’t help but think what would have happened if I was there by myself. I couldn’t get her mother Earth like skin out of my head, I still can’t. Her deep brown eyes that were spirals of the universe at the time would not escape my thoughts. I loved this girl. We had been together for quite a while by this point, and would always say “I Love you” to one another. And I always meant it when I said It but now I had much more meaning. She could never understand how much her presence meant to me during my psychosis. These four little squares had took me to Hell and back again. This was and is the single worst experience of my whole entire life, but I’m kind of glad that it happened. Unlike most people the birds didn’t sing, and the sun did not shine. Quite the contrary happened.. Demons screamed and the moon shone the devil’s light. The only other thing that I have in common with those people is that I did finally realize who the love of my life was, and I wouldn’t take it back if I could.