Today was my Niece’s first birthday. She’s obviously gorgeous. Big blue eyes and a hint of auburn is still twinkling in her hair. And boy does she love a game of peek-a-boo! She puts a towel over her head and pulls it off again whilst giggling and squealing. It’s her favorite game and she’s been doing it for six months.
My sister never wanted children, so it was quite a surprise to find out she was expecting. I guess that is what comes of settling down with someone you love. That and the fact that she hit 40 this year so there was not much time left to procrastinate.
Myself, I was quite different. At 15 all I wanted was a child. Thank goodness those hormones disappeared before I actually did anything about it. Once I was in a relationship with somebody I was much too busy having fun to consider having a child. Plus at 25, 35 seems such a long way away. I wanted a family but knew I wanted to wait.
This year I will be 34, no hint of a man in my life, and I don’t particularly want one, but I do want a child.
A year ago, whilst my sister was giving birth I made a decision. Instead of worrying myself crazy that I might never have the opportunity to have my own family I would one day become a foster parent, and then perhaps adopt. It stopped that creeping feeling of desperation I know I am not alone in suffering. It is not a good feeling.
I don’t want to be that desperate woman portrayed in a million comedy sketches. The ticking biological clock who’ll grab any man just to fulfill the need to be a mother. I can’t help but think however that it might be scrapping a little close to the bone. I pride myself on being an individual thinker and not being led by the crowd. I decide what I like and don’t like, I form opinions based on fact and don’t like to be led by others. But it’s hard to make a well informed opinion when you’re lead by hormones. They do a lot of your thinking for you.
My little niece still refuses to crawl. Why would she when it’s possible to get everywhere by rolling? She also has more cake in her hair than ended up in her tummy. She’s the cleverest girl in the world, and so lazy when it comes to using her legs, and I love her to pieces. That girl oozes personality. I think I will be okay for another year. I can dote on her for the time being. Then I’ll start panicking again!