Getting a divorce is an awful experience. If you are a Dad and faced with the possibility of losing the majority of your time with your kids it can be one of the most painful experiences you will ever go through. There are no magic words to make things better. You will have to deal with this and learn to rebuild your life while still being the best parent you can be. The first step in moving on is excepting that this is real.
For years you have done all you could to provide for your family. Sure, you weren’t perfect, but who is. You did your best but apparently it wasn’t enough. What do you do now?
You must understand that this is for real. Holding on to a fantasy that someday everything will go back to normal is a crutch. It is time to learn how to deal with your emotions and prepare to build a new life. For many dads the idea of not seeing their kids everyday is devastating. It should be. You love your kids, that’s why it is so painful. But it is going to happen and you have to deal with it.
You don’t have to do it all at once though. There is no quick fix here. Time is the best friend you will have. To deal with things right now you will need to learn to take things one step at a time. Your emotions are on overdrive. Picture yourself taking all the emotions you are feeling and putting them inn boxes. Put all these boxes on a shelf in your mind and open each one as you feel ready. These emotions aren’t going anywhere, but at least you can understand that it will take time to slowly identify and cope with all the things you are feeling.
Right now is a good time to let yourself be angry. Anger is a natural emotion and it is ok to feel this way. What is important is dealing with it correctly. Drinking yourself numb won’t fix anything. Work out your anger in a healthy way. If you have no ideas here is a little trick. Chop down a tree. That’s right you read that correctly. Get an axe and go chop down a tree. Work out those emotions. Let your anger flow. You’ll be amazed how much better you feel after you get it out. Plus, be honest you know you have always wanted to pretend you were a lumber jack.
Going through a divorce is a long a painful process. The beginning can be the worst part. You have to understand that this is really happening, learn how to deal with your emotions, and get out a little anger. The trick is to do all this without letting your children know how torn up they are. Right now you must keep in mind that whatever you are going through it is even worst for them. They need you to be steady during the time of turmoil. As father it is your duty to provide strength and continuity for them. Everything else may be changing, but make sure that know that Daddy’s love is the same as always.