Imagine being in a grocery store shopping for eggs and milk with your family. You are walking through each aisle, tasting the strawberries mixed with the kiwi in your fruit salad when suddenly a sound escorts you back to the real life moment. The sound of two people arguing is heard from a distance. They are yelling at each other over something that one of them did. In the meantime, you are praying that your children are unable to hear this conversation because of the vulgarity. Now as you are standing in line at the checkout the yelling has finally stopped. Soon enough, you witness a women stomping out of the store. Her husband is yelling at her to stay so they can work things out. She continues to leave while her husband chases after her. Finally in the parking lot, you are unloading the groceries into your car. The couple you saw fighting inside the store has apologized to each other and has driven off in the same vehicle.
Many people form marriages in the hopes of fulfilling their dreams. Not everything in life is a fairytale and more often than not, marriages turn out unexpectedly more difficult to be involved with. Being single is much better than being in an unhealthy relationship. Some people spend years trying to tell themselves that their marriage isn’t unhealthy, but if you are struggling to stay with your loved one and constantly arguing with them than this is unhealthy. Lots of people tell themselves that no matter what happens, they will not go through with a divorce and they will make the marriage last. Although this is an example of good commitment, some marriages need to be terminated.
There comes a time in one’s life when they realize their life has not taken them to the place they want to be. They don’t think they should have gotten to this step, but they have. Due to the doubt at the back of their mind, they decide to stay with their significant other. Sometimes it is better to break a promise you made to yourself rather than to keep it in order to keep yourself from experiencing too much pain. When you are always fighting with the person that you told yourself years ago you are meant to be with, now is time to take a step forward and leave, especially when children are involved. Not only does this create friction between you and your partner, it also creates friction between your children which may break the bond you have with them. The stress of always fighting only contributes to the lack of ability in other involvements, which creates even more stress around your world. As long as you continue to stay involved with this relationship, pressure will build up inside of you. When this happens, you will feel something becoming different. The feeling you possess is a sense of tension, which can eventually lead to cold heartedness taking over the tender feeling you once experienced. Even though I have never been married, I have experienced this build up of pressure. My ex-boyfriend and I would constantly fight about little things. Eventually we moved on to fighting about larger political issues. The pressure started to build up, and I didn’t have anywhere to turn. The tension between us grew and overtime all I began to feel was anger. Once I realized what was happening, I knew it was time to end the relationship, and things became a lot better for me. All the tension disappeared, and I no longer had to carefully watch over every word coming out of my mouth so an argument would not take place.
In some relationships, people are forced to deal with domestic violence situations. Even though you think that you can handle it, and everything will be fine since it is not directed towards your children; you don’t need to handle it. Plus, most often, domestic violence towards a spouse has a direct effect on children. Once again, the children seeing their mother being beat to death, or their father being cursed out by their mother leads to them shutting down and losing the bond they may have between either parent. Also, in staying in this relationship, the child learns either to not stand up for themselves or to treat their spouse in the same way that they are watching their mother treat their father or vice versa. Whether it is only a small amount of abuse endured, or an abundance of constant hatred, they both contribute to mental health. Staying in this kind of relationship is unhealthy and can lead to depression amongst other serious illnesses due to excess stress. All in all, being abused either mentally or physically is embarrassing to be seen going through. Most people in these situations prefer that no one know how they are being treated because they are too embarrassed to be living like this. A really close friend of mine was in an abusive relationship. She didn’t tell anyone how her significant other was treating her because she was too embarrassed that she let it happen. When you are embarrassed to state your living conditions, this is a vivid sign that you need to change something.
Any situation where parents are constantly fighting causes children to begin to feel like they cannot trust anyone. They also begin to start gaining a sense of fear building up. At school they will be afraid to speak up since they don’t want to hear anyone fighting; they remain quiet hoping that no one starts fighting with them. Eventually as time goes on, they will begin to shut down because they believe they are the one’s causing their parents to fight. My current boyfriend was a victim caught in the middle of the river. On one side his father had an opinion on how his son should be handled. On the other side, there was his mother with a different opinion. He found himself drowning in the river due to fear that he was one-hundred percent responsible for his parent’s disagreements. The result of constant fighting caused him to be shy at school. The fighting also made him fear taking new chances, afraid that if he did something the slightest bit off from perfect, his parents would start to fight. If a child grows up watching two people constantly fighting, their trust towards other people will be broken.
Everything is pointing to you leaving, but I still know what you are thinking; she doesn’t understand, there’s no way I can just up and leave everything behind, it is easier said than done. Yes, this is true. Leaving your loved one is much easier to say you are going to do then to actually take action against. First of all, you are leaving all sources of support coming your way behind. There is the family support, the financial support, the child care support, and the structural support. It is hard to just up and leave when you do not have anywhere that you can go or any money to back you up. Without money, it is impossible to pay for childcare and without a source of income it is impossible to live. Not to mention, when the kids ask you, “Is daddy going to be home for dinner,” or “How long until we see Mommy again?” it is hard not being able to answer, or not knowing how to tell your three-year-old that she will never see her parents living under the same roof together again.
Newsflash, you do have support. All you need to do is reach out for the guidance, and you will find it. You can reach out to your parents to help you, or even some close friends. If you are completely lost in this position, then there are support groups that you can attend to guide you in the right direction towards a new beginning. Despite the hesitation in willingness, it is time to set everything aside and leave. When you know deep down there is nothing more to this, why keep fighting and lying to yourself instead of taking a step forward. The unanswerable questions are indeed answerable with the proper motivation and determination. I have witnessed firsthand the effects on children over couples fighting. These effects can be devastating, so why let it continue? Second-handedly, I have been able to observe the empowerment of overwhelming joy and never ending love that can be accompanied with a divorce. Now is the time; take the course of action that is right for you and let yourself become the new person you want to be.