Don’t let the title mislead you, because I don’t want to talk about turtles (normally ever) but this summer some mutated turtles that happen to be ninjas (managing to survive into their teenage years) are jumping to the silver screen and now couldn’t be a better time to talk about turtles.
In real life, I recall wanting to be one of these “teen karate reptiles that have been mutated” as a kid. My cousin explained that if that honestly happened I would be subjected to torture in a lab. I changed my mind to the next logical person whether living/dead/fake/cartoon/lie that a 7 year old boy could muster once the idea of becoming a mutant hero was dashed… and that logical person was Chicago Bulls player Scottie Pippen… which eventually lead to my parents buying me a turtle.
Turtles are actually very interesting, as they can live past your teens and (if you have children) your children’s teens. Eighty years or more can be the expectancy of a turtle’s lifespan if taken care of properly. Their age isn’t a problem when it comes to taking care of a turtle, because once you have a turtle it is almost as if they are on a suicide mission trying to eat anything that could kill them when alone. Even when letting the turtle play outside a close eye must be attended to (which is a long winded explanation of a suicide watch) regarding the turtle, because once they’re out of the caged or boxed setup of the turtle’s “natural habitat” they will do something so dangerous (but so slow) that it will baffle you as if the suicide attempt was on purpose.
One circumstance to look out for is when a turtle flips itself over onto its back, as the turtle can (and will) die if it cannot flip itself over back onto his/her stomach. This makes almost any inclination in their surroundings certain doom that could result in their demise.
On the television program regarding the “teenage turtles proficient in martial arts that survived mutation” there were instances of break dancing on the backs of their shells, which in real life it was a struggle for the turtle to get back up only grasping at the sky to either pass on or a miracle happens involving them rolling over onto their stomach.
Long story short, turtles aren’t what the media tells you (insert diatribe here) as in reality they are almost like really, really, old men with a shell… they can’t fight well and they smell “different”.