Some may think of November 7,1991, as the day Magic Johnson announced he was HIV positive. I will never forget that news broadcast for a much different reason. That was also the day my mom told my brother and me some disturbing news. She had plans to start a family with her new lover (not my father).
Tears came rushing out of her eyes as she told us this story. We all knew this was the finishing touches on the divorce between her and my father. My brother and I never really talked about that day. I suppose it wasn’t the cool thing for kids that age to do. So I tried to stay numb and avoid the pain of dealing with this for as long as possible.
Over 20 years have gone by now. I still notice two main issues that come up for when it comes to dating, and being open with people.
#1 I love you unless…
I tend to paint a perfect picture of who somebody should be in my head. This is a defense mechanism to not wanting to get hurt again. I tend to fall madly in love with an idea of who someone is. It fails to take into account that this is more of a fantasy. Sure enough, everything I want not to happen normally does happen given time.
#2 Fear of the C word (commitment)
I once stayed at the same gym for over nine years. It was mainly because they did not force me to sign a contract. I knew if I went elsewhere that I would have to. Becoming boyfriend and girlfriend mirrors the same type of long-term commitment. This is almost as scary as going to the dentist for me.
My adult years have brought me more aware of things from my past that come up. It makes it even more frustrating to me that I have a hard time enacting a plan to avoid these potential downfalls in my love life. If you were a child of divorce, how do you handle relationships now? Do you think it still has an effect on your current relationships? Drop a comment if you do!