After having three children, I never thought I would have a problem becoming pregnant. I never thought that I would not be able to carry a pregnancy full term. I thought I would continue to be fertile and could have a baby whenever I wanted. At the age of 30 I realized I was wrong.
We began trying to have a baby right after my 30th birthday; we didn’t want to wait due to the risk factors of having a baby late in life. The first month we were so excited we just knew we were going to have a baby. Having not even tried with the other three, we thought this would be easy, but we were wrong.
We did not get pregnant; we didn’t think much of this, thinking it would happen the next month. This continued on for five months. Finally we got the plus sign. We were going to have a baby. Two weeks of joy and excitement then it happened, I began cramping severally. Immediately we headed to the emergency room only to be told there was nothing they could do. This was heart breaking. We lost our joy and headed back home.
The next day I called my doctor and set up an appointment. I told her all of the things that had happened and what we had been through. She told me it was obvious I could get pregnant and this happens sometimes. I was not happy with her answer because I knew in my soul something was wrong. My body was not responding to pregnancy the way it had in previous years. No matter how much I tried to convince her, she just told me to keep trying.
We decided to wait a while to try again; the pain was too fresh in our minds. It took six months before I was ready to try again, we had talked about it before but I couldn’t imagine going through that pain again. We didn’t get pregnant this time though, I am coming up on my 33nd birthday and we still have no baby and no positive test. I have returned to the doctor and she did finally run test. She began by checking my husband’s fertility, everything was fine there, and I know it sounds horrible but I was honestly hoping it was him. I didn’t want to be the reason we couldn’t have a baby. Now it was my turn. Test after test after test. I have been going through tests for what seems like an eternity. My doctor informed us that 10% of infertility causes remain unidentifiable. She cannot tell me why I cannot have a baby.
That is the hardest part about having secondary infertility. I know not all cases are the same and I know most women get an answer; they get to have a baby. I have no answer. I was told I could try to go through artificial insemination, but the chances I would carry full term are so slim it wouldn’t be worth getting my hopes up. We continue to go through tests and I do take fertility pills, we continue to try. We have decided on one more year. If I am not pregnant by the time I am 34 we will no longer continue trying. This has taken over our lives, and it gets really hard to deal with at times. I feel like half a woman and like I have failed my husband. He assures me I am wrong, but that doesn’t change the way secondary infertility affects a woman.
What do I have to say to women who are dealing with secondary infertility? First, don’t let anyone tell you that you are wrong. If you feel like there is something not right with your body, make your voice heard. Second, I know the tests are hard and things get stressful, but never give up hope of having a baby. Finally, never take your other children for granted. If there is anything that I have learned from this it is to be thankful that I was allowed to have the three beautiful children I do have. To be thankful that I was able to carry three pregnancies full term and deliver healthy babies each time. Having secondary infertility is difficult to deal with, but accepting that you have a beautiful family and if you are meant to have another child you will, that is what will get you through this.