Our minds lead us to believe that our lives are full of many “holes”. Empty places that if filled, would center us and open doors to a much fuller life.
This is a story about my journey toward the Lord as a man, son, husband and father. I offer it to those who feel as if their sin, pride, ego or selfishness is too great to offer up to God and choose His Will versus what their minds or worse yet, society tells them they are in need of.
I am not a practiced author. In fact, I am not even certain how to put this project together or what to do when and if it is ever completed. That said, I do believe in my heart that it is inspired by God. I will do my very best to put my faith in action while writing it and share with you, through my words, that very same faith that God continues to bless me with and which I continue to learn to rely on. I want to share my story with you, to the best of my ability. I pray the Holy Spirit will inspire my writings and I also anticipate some of my experiences will mirror those which make up your own life. Together, we will learn just how very much alike the children of God are.
One prayer I have is that if nothing else, my daughters will have something to reflect upon (this book) as they mature and travel along the path that God has laid for them. Nothing on earth would please me more than to touch their lives as well as others, spiritually, as a brother in Christ. I have no outline. I have no established guide or crib sheet. I am sure I will provide scripture and text, prayer and other readings to support a few of my thoughts, experiences and ideas. For now however, I am just going to write. I am going to take the guidance of the Holy Spirit and my inspiration from God, pray for clarity to become more in tune with my Lord and those He has placed in my life. As I am trying with everything I do in my life, I offer it to God and thank Him for his constant presence and blessings. While reflecting upon my life, I can’t see how I am worthy to receive one tenth of what God has given me. That said, I am his child. I am united with Him, the Son and the Holy Spirit through baptism and faith. It is written “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” (Matthew 6: 26).
These words give me hope while walking along my conversion path. I know through prayer and the sacrament of reconciliation my sins are forgiven. I know that God wants me to leave my past behind. To learn from my mistakes and accept his forgiveness, never to carry them with me but to lay them at the foot of His cross. By carrying our past with us, we will never truly be able to separate ourselves and walk unhindered toward Him. I read a while ago something that has stuck with me, of which I have shared with others: “If all of our sin’s equaled every single grain of sand throughout the entire world, the number would still fall short in comparison to the love and forgiveness God has for us all.” It only took me 34 years to begin to learn that, among other things regarding my faith, my life and my Church. In fact, that is the one regret I have to continue to pray for the strength to leave behind. The wasted time I spent in my life alone, without allowing God’s grace to fill me. To fill those “holes” my mind suggested consumed my life. Believe me, I am not there yet. I am still a very broken man. A sinner. A man filled with too much pride and not enough humility. Still seeking to be the center of attention. Still seeking to be heard. Still trying to prove myself to all those in my life. I pray to our Father for the wisdom and the courage and the strength to shed this skin and allow His healing hands to wash me. It will be done. I will continue to repent and continue to turn to Him. Unlike St. Paul, I am sure my conversion path will not happen in one blessed moment. Rather, a marathon that no matter how tired I get, must be run with my eyes set on the next mile marker with God as my pace-setter.