I say that I love all my boys because I have a very unique set of three. I cannot say that I love one more than another, however I feel a deeper bond with my youngest. I believe the saying is true that you love your kids equally; you just love them in different ways. Each one is unique; they were not stamped out.
The story started twenty-five years ago when I had my first born son. I had chosen the route of adoption for that child. No I did not adopt him; I placed him for adoption. However, since he was my first born, he has a special place in my heart, a place that had to be filled mostly by God. However, I can only hope that we are at a point in life that now David and I can start developing a relationship with this adult child and his wife. I do not want to be his mother because he has one. I just want to know who he is, get to know his wife and their dreams. I want to know what is important to them. I also want to be there to answer questions if there are any. I am in the same shoes as he as I was adopted.
My second son came just two years and a few months later. This son has made me proud in many ways – he was like my first son, but he was truly not. However, he was my first experience in raising a child. He was the first to really show me what I was missing from the other. This son was very unique because he is a product of me and his dad, my one and only husband. Our relationship is a little bit stressed and always has been. Our personalities always seemed to clash, and he has had very little tolerance for my disability. However, he has grown into a nice young man, who loves his wife, loves his dad, and has a love for his grandparents like no other. Yes, I feel that he loves me, and he tells me so. However, we do not have the relationship that I dreamed I would have with my kids.
My third son is quite a unique relationship. He is my youngest child, and the one I can depend on. He has a love for live and a sparkle in his eye. He has had some tough times in his life because people do not understand him, nor do they want to get to know him for whom he is truly. His dad and I try our best to let our youngest know that all we have is unconditional love. There is nothing our son could do that would change our belief in who he is or cause us to feel that he is not who he was born to be. Some people would rather this son be who he is not, than have acceptance no matter what. This son is like the other two – there is no difference.
The only difference is who he is in this world, his compassion, his dreams, and his love for his mom and dad. It feels good when this son comes through the house with a smile on his face, knowing now that we (dad and me) did something right. We made hard decisions, but we made them the best we could and everything turned out right.
This just gives you a glimpse of my boys, however I want you to see more of me. I am a believer in being nonjudgmental and love people for who they are and who they want to become. I do not believe in expecting your children to become who you want them to be, however, I do expect my sons to be in good quality relationships, treat others well, and just be the best they can be. Really that is all I can ask for. Anything different is asking for what I want not what they want. If my young adult boys do not become rich and successful in the world’s eyes, that is okay in my book for all I want for them is for them to be rich and successful in their own eyes. When they look back on their life, I want them to not have to live in regret, but just know that they did the best they could. This is how I have tried to live my life. It might not be the life that any parent dreamed for me, and it might not look like success in their eyes. However, I have had lots of success in my book. See I have three young men in my life that are individuals and are living the life they want to have. They do not have to fit into society’s rules, my rules, or anyone’s rules; I just hope when their life comes to a close that all is well and they did life to the best of their ability.