The wound you nurse within you is the ever present human challenge. To live or not to live. The decision is a constant pressure, but this dilemma is an illusion. The peace you seek must be present in your life if you can perceive peace at all. If you have no peace in life and it leads you to thoughts of forcing an early exit from this world, I do not believe you can find the peace you seek in death.
This life was meant for you. In the words of Buddhist philosopher and leader, Daisaku Ikeda, “In most cases,our so-called limitations are nothing more than our own decision to limit ourselves.” There is no challenge you cannot surmount. If you feel besieged by your suffering, with a simple change of perspective you can besiege and assail any suffering you encounter. But this requires something of you. You must open your heart. You must open your heart to the pain of all beings. Rich, poor, young, or old; no difference in wealth, material, or psychological being can negate our shared experience of humanity.
Cultivate a sense of curiosity. There are many things in this world that you have not yet met. Compared to the wisdom you have not yet encountered, you are infinitely young no matter how long you have lived. You always have been and always will be a child in that sense. Act like one. Play, jump, dance, and speak nonsense. Not everything has to make linear sense in this life, but everything in this life makes circular sense or cyclical sense.
Do not let minor irritations or losses rule you. You are not your money, your clothes, or even just your body. Do not believe that the collection of atoms that makes up your body is the sole arbiter of your identity. Atoms in your body appear and disappear like waves in the sea. When you die there will not be a single atom in your body that was with you when you were born. You are a gift to this world, so give yourself to this world. Give every day all the energy that you can muster. When you live in this way, you will fall right asleep at night. As you rest, have faith that you will be joyfully ready to take on what tomorrow brings you.