I was not a daddy’s girl. It was my two elder sisters who got all his attention. I was in high school when I noticed that my father played favoritism.
I really had no idea why I was closer to my mother. It was my mom who bought me things I needed in school, while my father spent his money on my two elder sisters, from shoes to bags and other stuff teenager’s need – he buys for them. I admit I felt jealous at the time because my sisters were getting quality stuff, while I only get things that can fit into my mother’s budget. My mother works full time in the government, we are seven in the family and she budgets her salary for food and most everything we needed in the house, so what I got were inexpensive things compared to my sisters.
One time I asked my father why only them and not me. He told me straight that I was not affectionate toward him as my two sisters. It felt bad hearing it from my father. I was hoping he will apologize and took notice of his lack of attention to me but all I got was criticism, no sign that he would make it up to me.
I was resentful. Shouldn’t parents love their children equally in their unique personality? It only pushed me further away from him. But ironically, every time a visitor or relatives came to the house, he would always tell them – that I am his smartest and kindest daughter. Don’t these things count?
It took me more years to overcome this resentment. For a time I felt like I was inadequate. I was already in college when I learned to accept myself and my father’s way of loving his children including me.
I began to take time and sit beside him and talk to him about life and my dreams. Both my sisters were busy now, so when I was home I would spend time watching TV with him while snacking. I reached out to him and learned to discover my father once again without expectations. I just became the daughter he wanted while keeping my uniqueness. I do not know if I was the more matured person between the two of us – I guess I just love my father.