I remember waking up and feeling like I was choking. That’s why I left my ex-fiancé. The relationship was killing me because he was so controlling, but I was scared to leave him too. How was I going to rebuild my life and how could I avoid getting into a relationship with another controlling man again?
I started slowly and focused on the little things. I rented an apartment, bought groceries, cooked, and kept the place clean. I went to work and worked hard. I read a lot of self-help books. I began exercising, and the endorphin rush kept me from feeling too down. I also called my family a lot and leaned on them for support. At first, it was difficult to spend so much time alone. My ex had not wanted me to make friends and kept me very isolated, so I had to go through all the work it takes to meet new people and build a network of friends. It took a long time, but it was worth it. Those social relationships kept me from entering another relationship too soon, and I had a lot of work to do first.
I wanted to examine why I had chosen such a controlling partner. I realized the signs were there from the beginning. He wanted to move the relationship too quickly. I had agreed because I thought it was a sign he really liked me, but it was actually his way of controlling the pace of the relationship. I had wanted to leave him several times, but never seemed to have the strength to do it. I had to learn to trust my gut reactions. After all, if a relationship is not working for one of us, it ultimately won’t work for both of us, and it is better to cut ties when I first realize it. By understanding the early signs of controlling behavior and becoming willing to leave bad relationships, I felt confident I would not pick a controlling partner again or would not stay with one once I recognized the behavior.
Give It Time
It took a long time before I was ready to try again. I had to readjust to living on my own, make friends, and determine how to avoid making the same mistake again. Leaving my ex was not easy, but I am glad I did it. I am glad to have my life back.