After years of resentment, fights, and (I regret to say) hatred, I repaired my relationship with my Father. Growing up, I saw my Dad every other weekend. When my Brother and I went to our Dad’s he would verbally bash our Mother. He also singled out my brother, whom he constantly yelled at and punished. This created a rift in our relationship that lasted for years. When my daughter was born, I wanted to make amends with my Dad, because I wanted him to be a part of his granddaughter’s life. Such is life, I didn’t realize how much my relationship with Father meant to me until it was healed.
Your Father Loves You
Despite the hurtful things my Dad has done, above all else he loves my Brother and I. He wants what’s best for us, he wants us to be the best we can be. Although his tactics were completely wrong my Father was trying to steer us the right direction. My brother was more reckless than I was, so he took the brunt of my Dad’s grief. When I saw that his anger came from a place of love, it helped me to forgive him.
Let it Go
The past cannot be changed and I had to let my anger go. My Father is just a person and like all people he makes mistakes. He was being a parent the only way he knew how, not everyone is equipped to be an expert parent. I had to let go of the blame, there was no winner or loser, I just had to move past it. I also had to accept that my Brother has his own path with my Dad and I can’t fix their relationship.
Accept Your Dad for Who He Is
My Dad is funny at best and a raving lunatic at worst. I am never going to convince him to meditate his way to a calmer self. He is not always going to be the Dad I want him to be, he is who he is and I can’t change him. When I stopped fighting with him about what he needs to change about himself he stopped fighting with me. We accept that we aren’t going to see eye to eye on everything. Ironically, as we’ve grown closer over the years, I wouldn’t change anything about him.