To whom it may concern, and it will concern you;
I, Attila the Hun, do declare these grounds a part of the sovereign nation that will in the future be known as Hungary, I’m guessing. Continuing on, and due to this change in circumstances, I, Attila of Hungary, a man from the future nation-state of Hungary, or that country which I have in the past guessed is to become Hungary, and am fairly certain will become Hungary, as I, Attila, have come from the future, during which time I resided in Hungary, but admitting to the possibility that numerous different timelines and overlapping realities may in fact exist, and I, Attila, therefore may now reside in one of them, and as such realize that this area may not in the future be known as Hungary, but instead be known as Himshwatanalanguistabash’Aq’lanadishdab, thusly admit, acknowledge and accept all potentialities.
Hungary shall henceforth be known as “River A” and Himshwatanalanguistabash’Aq’lanadishdab shall be known as “River B.” All other potentialities shall be known as “Rivers Infinity.” In the event of Rivers A or B, laws and all future acquisitions shall be decided by I, Attila, although I do acknowledge that quite possibly River B may result in my changing my name to Adolf Hitler, and may create some confusion. In the event of Rivers Infinity, a new contract of complete dominion over your lands and all its women shall be swiftly drafted by I, Attila, and/or Adolf Hitler, and/or any of my other namesakes or current assumptions of consciousness.
I do therefore sign this demand of unconditional surrender, I,
Mr. The Hun
Also, and importantly, I shall have your woman before I depart from the grounds of the coming parley, and/or what was previously known by some as a complete and unlawful slaughter. Have her ready by the time the fires, soon to be lit, die. Leave her on my stack of camel skins, if you please.