I get many questions about “what do I do? I feel really bad about myself.” And I want to give you some easy steps to building your own self-confidence, because when we believe in ourselves and we know that we can do things and we can achieve things, we actually do. And there are honestly so many other ways. These are only five, but there are so many other ways that we can work to build our self-confidence.
So, the first tip, is to groom yourself. As in personal grooming, dress nicely. You’d be surprised how much better we feel about ourselves when we are showered and when we are wearing an outfit that we feel good in. I know this seems specific to girls, but guys are the same. If you are clean shaven, you’re wearing a nice outfit, and you’re headed in somewhere, you feel like “I am ready to kick some butt!” There’s something about being dressed nicely, being clean and groomed, that makes us feel so much better about ourselves. And that’s something that is actually pretty easy to take care of.
Second tip, think positively. I talk all the time about having that negative voice and that positive voice, but let’s actually do it. We have to kill those negative thoughts. We can’t let them live in our lives all the time. Taking notice of how often we’re thinking negative things like “I can’t do this. This is terrible. It’s never going to work. Blah, blah, blah,” the longer we spend feeling bad about ourselves. So, stop it. Notice, think positive. Be like, “I can! I’m amazing. This is going to happen because I want it to.” If we can turn around those negative thoughts and we can squash them, get rid of them and turn them into positive, we’ll not only feel better and have an air of confidence about ourselves, but we’ll also get so much more accomplished and we’ll actually start achieving our goals.
Now number three, right off of tip number two, is act positive. Sometimes the quote that I use a lot is to “fake it till you make it.” This can often times be as simple as volunteering, by getting out and spending time with people who build us up, being friendly to people, be generous, and be welcoming to people at the coffee shop. Say “Oh, hi, let me get that door for you. Thank you so much. You’re so nice. Oh, that made my day.” Being friendly to other people and acting in a positive manner can totally turn it around for us. I even have that experience in my life. For example, one morning, I get up, and I’m running late, and I go to the coffee shop and my favorite coffee isn’t there. The other day, they’re like “drip coffee only.” I don’t like drip coffee. I drove extra to come over here and get this coffee from you and now you can’t make it? I could have really let myself feel really bad, but instead, I decided to act positively. I open the door for this little lady and said “Hi, good morning. Good to see you. Hope you have a good day.” And my day turned around. So if you can’t make it, we can fake it. It’s okay.
Fourth tip, get prepared. You don’t want to go somewhere, to a test, or to an interview, or to meet new people, without feeling prepared for it. This can be anything. Like me taking my licensing exam. I studied my ass off. I took practice exams, I took practice quizzes, I practiced, I used flash cards, so that I felt prepared. Because often times, we almost set ourselves up to feel bad. Like we will go into an interview and we’ll stress about it, and we’ll feel so bad, we won’t even do anything to prepare for it. then we sit there and they ask us questions and we don’t know what to say. That just recapitulates that negative thinking. So we’ll keep thinking “yeah, see I am a dumb idiot.” But you’re not, we’re not, we just weren’t prepared. So whatever it is that you’re going to do, even if you’re going to a friend’s house, and you know you’re going to go out that night, bring a couple pairs of clothes that you feel good in. Like I said in tip number one, dressing nice. You want to prepare for it. You want to make sure you get enough sleep because you’re going to be out late. There are things we can do to prepare ourselves for success. The more prepared we are, the better we’ll feel about ourselves.
And the fifth and final tip to building a better self confidence, is setting small goals and achieving them. Now this doesn’t mean get an “A” in science, or land that new job. Those are not small goals. Small goals are, make each one of these things a habit. “This week I’m going to shower and dress nicely, three days.” The “today I am going to make sure that I am friendly to one person.” Those are small goals because guess what, when we achieve those small goals, we feel even better about ourselves, and we’re like “yeah, yeah, put a check in that box for that thing that I was going to do this week.” So each week I encourage you to set small goals working towards the things that I just mentioned. So whether it’s “I’m going to get out of bed, I’m going to shower, and I’m going to care how I look. I’m going to dress nice. Two days. One day.” Whatever it is, “I’m going to be nice to one person,” “I’m going to get out and prepare for that test that’s coming out in two weeks. Today I’m going to prepare for 30 minutes.” Whatever it is, set those small goals because each time you achieve them, you’ll feel better and better.
I promise if we’re working together and we’re working these tools, we will start to feel better about ourselves. And then, the world is our oyster, right? We can do whatever we want, and we are a force to be reckoned with!