I was ecstatic when I became pregnant a year after getting married. I had feared that I wouldn’t be able to conceive since three of my siblings were struggling with infertility.
After that first conception, my husband and I tried again hoping that lightening would strike twice. We tried. We failed. We tried again.
And after two years of trying and failing, I went to the doctor. While I waited for my appointment, I imagined all the possible diagnoses that cause irreversible secondary infertility.
Infertility Lesson #1: Don’t stress! Stress is counter-productive when trying to conceive. U.S. news.
But the doctor was dismissive about my secondary infertility concerns. “These things happen. You are young. Just keep trying,” she said. It was anti-climactic to say the least.
Infertility Lesson #2: If your doctor doesn’t take your concerns seriously, find a new doctor.
Once I found doctor no. 2, I underwent a series of blood tests and a trans-abdominal ultrasound. All tests came back normal.
If I knew what the problem was, I could at least try to find a solution. A non-diagnosis was bleak. Doctor no. 2 recommended that I try to track my ovulation and “get busy on the day of”.
Infertility Lesson #3: Try the simplest solutions first. This may seem obvious, but it isn’t when you are panicking about your biological clock striking midnight.
So, each time the ovulation test said it was time to make a baby, the hubby and I were filled with hope. Another year passed and nothing. It was time for the hubby to see a doctor.
Infertility Lesson # 4: According to the Mayo Clinic, about half of all infertility cases can be attributed to the male partner.
As I had done, the hubby obsessed about all the things that could be wrong with him. See Lesson # 1
The doctor found that the hubby was in good, working order. His non-diagnosis was just as bleak as mine had been.
We were back at square one. All the while my siblings were suffering from the same problem. They went through a variety of treatments: laparoscopic surgery to find causes, hormone injections and pills, Intrauterine Insemination and In Vitro Fertilization.
So as my husband and I debating going to an infertility doctor, we wondered if the trauma to our bodies and stress on our marriage was worth it. We wondered if we could be OK with our secondary infertility.
We decided to be okay with our situation. My brother adopted. One sister kept trying and is now pregnant. Another sister gave up infertility treatments and two years later she became pregnant and now has a gorgeous baby girl.
Infertility Lesson #5: You have a choice to be OK with infertility, secondary or otherwise. And you have a choice to pursue treatment (if you have the means). But you have to be strong enough to be OK with whatever decision you make.