I ran into a man who I served with in church ministry for 10 years. He was friendly and gave me a hug, even asking about my family. Imagine my surprise when he rejected my Facebook friend request, and later when he saw me in public, again hugged me, acted friendly and kissed me on the cheek. Studies now indicate that a rejected Facebook friend request hurts just as bad as being snubbed in real life.
The journals in human behavior suggests that people see Facebook relations as being just as real as those in life outside of social media. The researchers did a study with college students and found they felt the same being ignored in a online conversation as they did in real time situations.
At first, I thought, perhaps, I had not sent a friend request or the individual had not seen it, so I would send another. I would forget about it, but later see these men and women in a public setting or commenting on a mutual friend’s Facebook page. I would check see the “add friend” option, had reappeared and realize I had been declined.
At times those who use Facebook may be on a mobile phone, where there is an option of “not now.” I found this out when Facebook notified me that I was restricted for sending too many unanswered friend requests.
I was perplexed and began checking and saw there were those whom I had sent requests to, whose page said “request pending.” I promptly removed these unanswered requests. I could understand if it were random strangers, but these were relatives, in-laws, people I interacted with for years on the job, in church or grew up with never an unkind word between us.
Now that Facebook changed their settings, you can see posts from friends of friends. Initially, I felt neglected to see conversations and photos shared with someone on my friends list, and a mutual acquaintance, who declined my friend request.
Another issue, is those who know both me and my husband but only are friends with him. Some will even like all his photos except the ones with me in them. While I am becoming mature enough to allow people to be who they are, others take all of this very seriously, and it causes psychological damage.
There is also my often seeing two Facebook friends asking for prayer during sickness or death. They have about 300 mutual friends, yet one will get only 5 or 6 comments or likes, while the other gets 150. The bible says God is no respecter of persons, but people are.
Today I no longer send friend requests on Facebook. I allow people to send requests to me, because my name comes up on their pages, just as theirs shows up on mine. This way instead of rejection, someone is reaching out to me. This way I am in control.
I now write posts and share pictures, not caring who hits the like button, or makes a comment. As I have often said, people grow older but do not grow up. Social media gives these individuals a place where they can show their true colors, and play their childish games.
If you are or have been affected by immature people on Facebook, reclaim your independence today, and don’t stop by their playground. Interact with those who show interest in you. Refrain from scrolling down theews feed, where you may notice things that upset you.
Rejection is real, no matter where it comes from. If as a child you were left out of games, or not invited to parties, or as an adult people who should love you have mistreated you, then you will be more likely to be affected by the antics of Facebook.
Those who have lived their lives being popular will not understand, and may say you are thin skinned, or easily offended. They cannot relate to that which they have never experienced. I have a relative who was popular in school. She has a Facebook page but rarely uses it.
People are on her page regularly posting pictures and statuses and practically begging for her attention but she does not respond. I have another younger friend who can say good morning, and have 200 likes. I see other friends who post, and only get 2 or 3 likes.
Those who have the it factor, and charisma outside of Facebook, will retain it on social media. The key for you, if you are not popular is to accept that which you cannot change. Don’t be one of those individuals, re-shares the statuses asking your friends to prove they read your page, by commenting or sharing the status wit their friends.
The amount of likes, comments birthday greetings and fans you receive on Facebook, should not play such a large role in anyone’s life. The number of blogs, and psychological analysis regarding the issue however, indicate it matters to far too man