Suicide is the most horrific form of death, especially for those left behind. The fact that it is a choice makes the act much more tragic. The person that you loved chose to die, this is a bone crushing truth. Five years ago, my father took his own life. It was the indescribable pain, not only because he was gone but because there would no resolution. We had not been close for many years at the time of his death. Every conflict that I had ever encountered regarding our relationship was magnified by the way he passed. I do not have any absolute answers that will heal you; I only have the tools that helped me survive. I pray that they may help you if you are going through the same thing. Or at least that knowledge that you are not alone may relieve the burden a bit.
1. Talk About it
The first response that many have to pain is to shut to down. Initially this is helpful, allowing the body and mind to heal. Although, if you stay isolated for a prolonged amount of time it has the opposite effect. Turning the wound into and infected mess. Sharing is the only relief, letting off some of the pressure. I suggest you start with those closest to you. It will be easier to lift the veil with them first.
2. Seek Professional Help
Family, friends or a significant other are a great source of support; still they are not qualified to carry you through this hardship. Seek out a therapist who specializes in grief assistance, this is an invaluable action to take. Join a support group, get into therapy seek professional help. This is a Neutral space to share with authenticity. You will feel a vast range of emotions; none of them are wrong. Finding someone qualified to help you navigate through the struggle will assist you in returning to a healthy state of being.
3. There Is No Time Limit On Grief
Most of us have a tendency to want to feel better fast. We place time limits on how long we can be a mess. In some ways this is good, we must get out of bed, get dressed and carry on. Although on an emotional scale this is unrealistic. We will never truly be who we were before, emotionally we are changed forever by a suicide. Do not be hard on yourself for this. Continuing talking, continue with therapy and allow the rest to settle in whatever amount of time is needed.