When reviewing movies, you have to take the bad with the good ─ and this week I have a real diamond in the rough for you: “I, Frankenstein.”
The Frankenstein monster (Aaron Eckhart) is still wandering around some two hundred years after Mary Shelley left him tramping around in the Arctic Circle and all he wants to do is bury his creator and be left alone, but no ─ a group of demons confront him while he puts the master to rest and they then try to kidnap him. But wait: a flock of flying gargoyles save Frankenstein and drop him off in a huge cathedral where he meets the queen gargoyle (Miranda Otto), who explains to him about the epic conflict between the gargoyles and demons (good vs. evil). Apparently, the prince of demons (Bill Nighy) needs Frankenstein so that he can figure out how his master brought him to life. If the nefarious prince can figure out Frankenstein’s secret, he can bring a legion of dead stockpiled demons that he has collected back to life (with demonized souls) and then take over the world. The problem with the whole thing is that Frankenstein just wants to be left alone: No gargoyles, no demons ─ just a nice walk around the few desolated places on earth and maybe a little fishing.
Okay, let’s get to the tremendous makeup job that Frankenstein flaunts. Frankenstein is basically Aaron Eckhart with scars on his face and long hair ─ that’s it. But when the good monster goes looking for the prince demon in a disco, he shows up with a haircut from “Sports Clips.” And get this: Frankenstein can enunciate perfectly; no grunting, no groaning ─ No problem. (And since when do demons socialize in discos?) If this movie wasn’t so stupid it would be funny. I suppose the 3D might have been somewhat redeeming, but you could get the same special effects by pulling out a old View Master and looking at a few slides; at least you wouldn’t have to listen to the dumb dialogue with the pictures.
My Rating: 1 of 5 “I, Idiot.”