A long time ago, I ended up dating a friend, and it turned out to be a disaster.
The relationship was filled with arguments because we viewed the relationship very differently. He wanted me to give up on my dreams and aspirations, and just help him get to where he wanted to go in life. I wanted us to help nourish each others dreams so that we could both get to where we wanted to be in our lives.
After ruminating about his point of view, I had wondered if I was indeed not dating my friend of many years, after all. Because my friend would have known that I wouldn’t agree to give up on my dreams, and only support whatever it was he wanted to do, when he knew how ambitious I am.
Needless to say, I wasn’t trying to hear what he was talking about.
Another big issue my friend and I encountered while dating was that our “love scenes” had to constantly be edited. We just could not create the heat for a sexual connection that was hot like fire. I had thought for the simple fact that we had such a great friendship, mutual respect for each other, similar interests, communicated well with one another, and enjoyed each others’ company, that we had all of the perfect ingredients for a healthy and long lasting relationship, on all levels. But I was wrong.
If I had to do it all over again, I would not have gotten in to a relationship with my friend. His friendship was more important to me than being in a relationship with him.
In retrospect, I believe that I pursued a relationship with him because of familiarity. He knew my likes and dislikes (at least, for the most part, he did). I had known him for a long time.
And I could be myself around him.
Although familiarity made me gravitate toward a relationship with him, I failed to take other things into consideration that were missing. I wasn’t physically attracted to him nor was I in love with my friend. But because of the friendly connection we shared for so many years, I thought the other things like passion, sexual chemistry, and falling in love with him would follow in time. However, that wasn’t the case. My feelings never aged on a deeper emotional level for him. (Not the way, my friend’s feelings had progressed for me) nor did we develop a physical connection that was mutually satisfying.
In the end, hurt feelings, anger, and other negative emotions severed any chances of my friend and me, remaining close.
So to those who might be interested in dating one of their friends, I’m sure you all have heard the saying before, “Relationships come and go, but a friendship can last a life time.”
That said, who will you choose, a friend or a lover?