Most people say that bullies are not born, they are made, but my life experience causes me to disagree. I believe that for some, bullying is in the DNA, from the womb. Here is why. I can remember as far back as kindergarten, seeing children who bossed every one else around, and there were other kids who seeed afraid not to comply with the bullies.
When I was In first grade, my mother worked for a company called Harris hardwood. She had them send scraps of light colored different shaped blocks of scrap wood, for my class to play with. When I sat down at recess and picked up a few blocks, a boy and a girl told me I could not play. I advised them that it was my mother who was responsible for the blocks, and they left me alone.
One day, a tall girl came to our first grade classroom while the teacher was out. She pointed to one of our classmates, a quiet, shy girl and informed us that this was her sister. She said if anyone “messed with” her sister, she would beat their behind.
This girl was almost 9 years old, and threatening 6 year old boys and girls. Somewhere along the line she was retained, and ended up as my classmate for 3rd, 4th and 5th grades.I was 10 in 5th grade, and she had her 13th birthday before school let out that year
.Once in 5th grade when I would not give her my cake for lunch, she announced that no one would play with me during recess, and they did not. This one child had the power, to tell 13 other girls what to do, and they complied. Though raised in the same household, her sister remains sweet and quiet even as an adult.
There are children, who no matter how much you tell them to stand up for themselves, are unable to do so.This is because we all have different personalities. I saw this play out recently when my husband and I had the grand kids at a local park one afternoon.
I saw children as young as 4 or 5 years old who already had that bossy look. And these were the ones who were trying to control the others, and have their own way. The little boys and girls who seemed timid, got pushed around, seemed miserable and some were crying.
There was a girl, two years older than myself who often mistreated me, and others, when we were young. She had 8 siblings, 3 older and 5 younger than herself. I got along with all 8, and never heard anyone complain about any of the other brothers and sisters, only this one.
In 1993, after my brother drowned, this individual came to my mother’s home to bring food. Close to 20 years had passed since she mistreated me.. Instead of offering her condolence, when she saw me, she replied, “Same old Cheryl.” I did not say it as I did not desire to argue on such an occasion, but I was thinking, “Same old Beverly”. Like many bullies, she had grown older but never grew up.
If as some believe, all bullies are raised, then how do you explain families, as those of the two bullies i encountered. How is it that where one child is a bully but the others are not.? I believe if we all paid closer attention, we would see the bullies early on and try to change their direction, if possible.
In some cases there is not much you can do. When my youngest child was . 2 1/2, he was playing i the back yard with a 5 year old cousin. My mothers intuition told me to check on them. Just as I looked out the door, the cousin had a look of devilment on his face. I was about to warn my son to watch out, when this boy threw a rock in my son’s eye.
I tried to talk to his mother but she had a nasty attitude, which obviously was taught to the children. Although they were related, My son later had trouble with this woman’s younger sister, and the oldest daughter gave my daughter a hard time in middle school.. Childhood should be a time of fun. Children should play freely on the play ground r at a park, without fear. Bullies ruin this for those who are unlike themselves. Some carry the pain and memories into adulthood.