As a married person with three sisters and one brother who have all been married, I have seen it all. Wedding woes can multiply quickly when you mix family, friends and professionals together to plan one event that tugs at heartstrings. In my experience as a bride and a bridesmaid, I can honestly say that a wedding can hinge on bridesmaid behavior. So if you agree to be a part of the wedding party, mind your p’s and q’s and follow the rules of the bridesmaid road.
The Dos of the I Dos
Do make sure you are fiscally capable
Depending on the extravagance of the wedding, being a bridesmaid can run you anywhere from the cost of a nice meal to the cost of a car. When my younger sister got married she asked me to be a bridesmaid. My sister’s wedding wasn’t extravagant, but I was a naïve and broke college student who had no money for a bridesmaid’s dress. My bride-to-be sister had to foot the bill. I was so embarrassed.
So before you agree to take on the tasks of a bridesmaid, talk to the bride and see what she has in mind for the wedding. Will it be a destination wedding? Will the dress be designer? Does she expect the bridal shower to be lavish? Then take a look at your finances before agreeing to be a bridesmaid.
Do understand that the bride is under a lot of stress
It is easy to compare a bride to a horrifying ape-like creature. But it isn’t always easy to see why your bride is swinging from the empire state building in a fit of rage. Most brides feel tremendous pressure to make sure that every last detail of their wedding day goes smoothly. And as luck would have it, something major is bound to go wrong.
It is your job as a bridesmaid to help alleviate the stress of wedding planning and make the bride feel like you understand and are there for her. Who knows, your supportive actions may even be the antidote to bridezilla behavior.
The Don’t of the I Dos
Do not upstage the Bride
At my older sister’s wedding she had a friend who agreed to be her bridesmaid, but couldn’t get out of the way. She was constantly recalling how things were done at her wedding and even getting involved during the couple’s first dance.
No matter how excited weddings make you, it is not about you. Your job is to stand on the sidelines and offer encouragement to the bride. Do not seek center stage at the detriment to the bride.
Do not push your personal tastes on the bride
Everyone has a favorite color, style of dress, and preference of flower. But when you are a bridesmaid what you like doesn’t matter. The bride knows what she wants for her special day and just because it is not your vision of how a wedding should look doesn’t mean it will make the day less special.
As a bridesmaid it is your job to make the bride feel confident about her choices. And the best way to do this is by keeping negative comments to yourself.
Enjoy your time as a bridesmaid but don’t lose sight of bridesmaid etiquette.