Need a quick answer to a career or personal dilemma? Career and life coach Marielys Camacho-Reyes will answer your concerns in her new column “Ask the Coach.”
I am writing you because I have a big problem and no idea on how to fix it. I have been married for 10 years but I just realized that I am not happy with my husband (there is no passion in our relationship) and want to divorce him as soon as possible. I think am pretty clear and in peace with my decision but the issue that I have is the following: what if after divorcing him, I end up missing him? I need your advice… Should I continue with my plans of divorcing him or should I stay in a passionless relationship?
The Unhappy Wife.
Dear Unhappy Wife,
Wow! I have to say that this has been one of the most difficult questions that I have received since I started this column. Let me see-If I read correctly, the problem that you are having is that you are not happy with your husband because there is no passion in your relationship anymore-not because you do not love him anymore. If that is the case, my question to you is – are you ready to “throw the towel” without even trying to fix the issue? Have you talked to your husband about this to see, if together, you guys can find a way to fix the issues that are preventing you from being happy?
The fact is that in long-term relationships (like the one you have), passion tends to fade with the pass of the years. Work, children, and other life obligations can and may absorb all of your time and will, in one way or another, interfere with your “love making” routine. This, my dear friend, is more normal than you think and it could happen to anyone, and obviously, it has happened to you.
The advice that I can give you is not to make any drastic decisions yet. Both of you have to try to identify what is causing you to feel that way (or in this case, the reasons for you not to feel passion in your marriage anymore) and together, do your best to try to “reinvent” your marriage so that you start feeling the passion that you are wishing for. The fact is that recreating passion in your marriage may require you and your husband to get out of your comfort zones and to start breaking up those bad habits that both of you have been creating over the course of the years and to start trying or doing new things. If after doing that you still feel that your marriage is done then, you will have to sit down and communicate your feeling to your husband and decide what is best for you. The main point here is not to make any decisions without trying. Remember; “to keep the fire burning brightly there’s one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart-about a finger’s breadth-for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule.” ~Unknown~
Sincerely, The Coach
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