Need a quick answer to a career or personal dilemma? Career and life coach Marielys Camacho-Reyes will answer your concerns in her column “Ask the Coach.”
I am a single father who recently got remarried. My new wife loves my children as if they were hers. They also love her and, together, we are trying to make this relationship work. The problem that I have is that since I travel a lot, I rely on my wife to help me with everything concerning my children and she is having a hard time dealing with the two older ones. They are 14 and 15. They are good kids, but as typical teenagers, they love to push their limits, and my wife does not feel like she should be the one saying no all the time. I feel bad that she has to deal with this situation by herself but, at this moment, there is nothing I can do because I cannot change jobs. I have been trying to get a different job that does not require me to travel so much, but I have not been able to find anything better. What can I do to make this situation better for her before she decides to leave me?
Dear Roger R.
I am sorry to say this but your wife is right. She should not be the one always saying no to the kids, especially, when they are not even her kids. These are your kids and you should start behaving like their father. I understand that your job is very important to you and that you guys need the money but your teenagers need you as well and you cannot put the responsibility of raising them only in your wife’s shoulders. She may love them with all her heart, but the truth is that these are also your kids and you should be there for them as well. If for now, you cannot put a stop to all those business trips, at least talk to your kids about the way you want them to behave when you are not home. Doing that will help them understand that you are still an active participant in their lives and that their new mom is not the one always making all the hard decisions. You teenagers need constant guidance and putting all the parenting responsibility only in your wife is not only unfair but also a very demanding thing for her to do all by herself.
Would you like to contact “The Coach” for a quick advice? Send her an email at email@example.com