Need a quick answer to a career or personal dilemma? Career and life coach Marielys Camacho-Reyes will answer your concerns in her column “Ask the Coach.”
I have this really good friend who I have been friends with since we met in college. We are very close but never had a real romantic relationship. I really like him as a friend. The thing is that we have been having sex for a while now and even when things are not serious between us, he thinks that we should be “exclusive sex partners.” I don’t want to be just with him. I am a single woman and I would like to meet other people. The fact that we have sex sometimes doesn’t mean that we are a couple, and having an exclusive sexual relationship will mean that we are a couple, which we are not. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I am seriously thinking about telling him that we can’t have this kind of “relationship” anymore. What sucks about this is that I do enjoy spending time with him, but not as a real romantic couple. What should I do?
The Friend with Benefits
Dear Friend with Benefits,
I think that your friend got seriously involved in the “relationship” you guys have. It looks like he didn’t get the memo where it said that you guys were only “friends with benefits.” What you need to do if to have a serious chat with him see where is he coming from. At the same time, explain him how is that you feel about this whole situation. The truth is that this “friend with benefit” situation can only work if both parts are in accord about the whole “sex with no strings” idea and unfortunately, in your case, it seems like your friend wants something more than just a casual sex partner. The suggestions that I can give you is to first of all; make sure you always use protection during all your sexual activities (which I hope you are doing). Secondly; you need to have a serious talk with your friend about this entire situation to either get to an agreement or, if necessary, to stop doing whatever is that you guys are doing before someone gets hurt. And lastly; to be careful the way you handle your sexual life. There is a fine line between having fun and having way too much fun. Just make sure you stay between those lines and you should be okay.
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