Need a quick answer to a career or personal dilemma? Career and life coach Marielys Camacho-Reyes will answer your concerns in her new column “Ask the Coach.”
After 19 years of marriage, I just realized that my marriage is going to end up in divorce soon. The beautiful relationship that I once had with my husband has turned into a chaos. We do not talk as much as we used to do before, we stopped having sex long time ago, and recently, we started arguing incessantly. I wanted to go and see a marriage counselor but he did not like the idea. He said that our issues are no one’s business but us and that if we could not do it by ourselves, then we needed to get a divorce. I do not want to get a divorce. I really want to work in fixing our differences to see if we could save our marriage, but how can I do that if he does not want to do it as well. Sometimes, I think he has someone else in his life, but I do not have the guts to ask him because I am afraid that my suspicions are true. I really want to save my marriage. What should I do?
Patty from Minnesota,
Dear Patty from Minnesota,
If you want to save your marriage, you guys need to either sit down and have a serious talk about the issues that you are having or as you suggested, go and see a marriage counselor. The problem with this is that if your husband is not willing to work as hard as you to save your marriage, then there is nothing you can do to force him to do it. In reference to your suspicious; the only way you may have to confirm that is by talking to him. If he is, in fact, seeing someone else, you need to know. As hard as the answer to those suspicions may be, you need to know. On the other hand; that may not be the case and here you are, tutoring yourself with something that is not even real. Marriages, especially long ones like yours sometimes go through a rough phase. Maybe, that is what is happening in yours. What you need to do is to have a serious talk to your husband and explain him how is that you feel. Also, share with him the fact that you want to make your marriage better. If after talking to him, he still feels like nothing can be done to save your marriage, then it may be time for you to start putting things into perspective and start planning your life without him in it. I know that that may be a very hard decision for you to make but at the end, you have to do what is best for you, and spending your life with a man who does not treat you like a wife and does not respect you as a person is not the right way to live.
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