Need a quick answer to a career or personal dilemma? Career and life coach Marielys Camacho-Reyes will answer your concerns in her new column “Ask the Coach.”
I have been thinking about writing you to ask you for an advice, but I never had the nerves to do it. But today, I had enough and decided to contact you for help. I have been married for 2 years to a great man. He is a wonderful husband and a great father (we have a 1-year-old baby girl). I consider him my soul mate and I don’t regret marrying him. My problem with him is that he, sometimes, do things that make me wonder if he has undiagnosed ADHD. He has problems concentrating, he jumps from one household task to another (without even finishing the first one), and he is always (or most of the time) making reckless decisions about money and other family related issues. I am very concerned with this because since we got married, I feel I am the one running this family. I feel emotionally and mentally exhausted. I want him to have an active role in the decisions we have to make but, on the other hand, I am afraid that he will make another “emotional” decision that could put not only our finances in trouble but also the future of our relationship. At this point I don’t know what to do anymore.
You seem like a very strong woman and capable enough to run a family. However; when a marriage turns into a “one person” job; that’s when things start to get unhealthy. Before you run out of patience and start making “emotional” decision yourself, I would suggest to have a serious talk with your husband and explain him how you feel. Undiagnosed ADHD is a serious situation not only for the person suffering for it, but for the people around him/her. I am not saying that your husband may, in fact, as ADHD. What I am saying is that if he does, it may contribute to your marriage not working the way it should. Talk to him and ask him to go and see a doctor. There are ways to find out if he is suffering from ADHD and if he is, there are treatments for it. Be as supportive as possible so he doesn’t feel like you are accusing him or punishing him for your marriage not working how it should. But, helping him find ways to deal with his behavior will not only help him as a person but it will also help both of you as a couple. At the end, that’s what a marriage is all about; finding ways to help each other out; in the good days and in the bad days. Never forget that!
Would you like to contact “The Coach”? Send her an email at firstname.lastname@example.org