Need a quick answer to a career or personal dilemma? Career and life coach Marielys Camacho-Reyes will answer your concerns in her column “Ask the Coach.”
I have been married for five years and even when things have been great between my husband and me, I have to admit that deep down, I have a weird feeling that my husband is cheating on me. For the past couple of months, he has been doing things that he never did before. He works late, he is always on his phone, and he even changed his haircut. I know that these kind of things may not be considered indicators that he is having an affair but I just have this feeling that something is not right. Since I cannot live like this, I decided to hire a private detective to spy on my husband to see if he is, in fact, cheating on me. The problem that I have is that I feel bad doing this and do not know if I should continue working with this detective or if I should just stop before things get bad for me. Advice please!
The Spying Wife
Dear Spying Wife,
My first question to you is; have you talked to your husband about your concerns? I strongly believe that before you do something crazy or before you hire this detective, you need to talk to your husband and see if he can give you a valid explanation for his change of behavior. The truth is that as you said, working late and changing his haircut are not clear indicators that he is having an affair. It may be that he is really busy at work and that he wanted to have a new haircut to feel good about himself. I will say that before you start making assumptions and put yourself in such a compromising position, to have a chat with your husband and see if you can get to the bottom of the situation. If after talking to him, you continue having doubts about his behavior, then I guess it will be time for you do what you think is best. And, if hiring a detective to spy on your husband will make you feel better, then go ahead and do it. Just be aware that this may bring you more problems and pain than actual solutions. Now, ask yourself; are you willing to go through all that just because you have a feeling that your husband is cheating? If the answer to this question is “yes;” then go ahead and do it.
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