Need a quick answer to a career or personal dilemma? Career and life coach Marielys Camacho-Reyes will answer your concerns in her new column “Ask the Coach.”
My husband recently came back from his military deployment and even when I am extremely happy that he is back, I feel like there is some type of disconnection between us. He was gone for almost 8 months and now that he is back, things are very weird between us. He has not been able to sleep in our bed since he came back (he sleeps in the sofa) and we can barely hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes straight without him getting distracted about other stuff. It seems like his mind is somewhere else. All this is very hurtful for me because I am very happy that he is home, but the issue is that he is physically home, but mentally; he is not. Is this the normal behavior of someone who just came from a long time deployment? Or, do you think something is going on with my husband?
Dear Yamaris T.
Yes, my dear. Unfortunately, this is normal. Remember; he just came back from a war zone and even when his body is back with you, his mind may still be processing everything that just happened in his life. Being in a war zone is a very stressful experiences and most of the time, people need some time to get used to the idea of not being in the war zone anymore. Try to be more understanding with him. It probably has nothing to do with you. Just make a point of being in there for him and give him time to process everything. If after a while, you still feel that there is something wrong with him, talk to him into seeking help. He could be dealing with some type of PTSD and if he looks for help, he will get better. What I will not suggest you to do is to pressure him to become an active member of a situation that he is not ready to be part of yet. If you do, instead of making the situation better, you will be making it worse. Again, allow him time to slowly “come back” from the war zone without making him feel like he is doing something bad. What you need to do for yourself is to try to stay mentally and physically busy doing your own things while you “wait” for him, but make sure you keep an eye on him just in case he is not getting any better. Unfortunately, my dear, that is all you can do at this moment.
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