My early twenties were surrounded by a few friends who took up creative challenges large and small no matter how outrageous they seemed to escape from boredom. These feats ranged from photoshopping each other into the local paper to figuring out what we could get on national television. We had success getting some of the bizarre stuff (that in retrospect almost passed as inside jokes) we made in 2006, which eventually led me to an audition process for a show I will call “Moving To Music With No Clothes On” which aired on a network we’ll call Fuzze. The host was a lovely grown-up child star from a beloved sitcom whose purpose was commenting on the people that were possibly getting nude on television for 200 dollars (selected or not, with no residual payment either way as it was non-union.)
The process started with submitting an email which eventually led to a phone interview a few weeks later. I was going through a weird “Andy Kaufman phase” at the time and wanted to make a fake character for the reality show. This meant I incessantly lied to the intern (and letting her in on the joke) over the phone for the shoot to be selected. One of the lies included wearing rollerblades (while stripping and dancing to Rihanna’s S.O.S song.) A few weeks went by and eventually I was chosen to be on the show. I paid for a bus to NYC alone carrying printed Mapquest information and a backpack filled nutty props to be juxtaposed into costume a few hours before the shoot.
Upon arrival I head to the small Broadway studio to be greeted by a producer wanting me to watch an episode of the show I was about to do regrettable things on. A few minutes passed which was when the producer came back and notified me that I was about to be filmed so I had to get ready. I changed into a costume that consisted of a fisherman’s hat, an over sized turtleneck, and tear-away pants. Essentially I looked like a “create a player” from a video game or a retired mafioso from an NYU student film.
I finally entered the green screen studio to meet the director discussing what I was about to do (being completely convinced that my idea was brilliant and nobody had done it before.) The director’s response wasn’t “that’s what everyone thinks they’re doing here” but it was more along the lines of “let’s get this over with” politely. Eventually we begun filming what felt like a snuff film due to my unprepared series of lies and nutty stuff I had planned without telling the director (very stupid.) With that being said, from start to finish the ten minute shoot went like this:
– I couldn’t remember any of my lies from the phone interview for the on camera interview, but I did put on a small worthwhile show (after convincing myself enough when cashing the 200 dollar check.)
– I did the lawnmower, cabbage patch, and fake cried (naked) during the sprinkler dance at the end because I thought that was funny.
– I removed my pants first because nobody did that. I threw them into the air as opposed to tossing them into a nearby pile (as told.) My pants hit an overhead lighting system which was the only other noise heard over Rihanna’s song being played at stadium decibels.
In the end, months went by and it didn’t air (thankfully) as I never got fully naked for the bit either. I wore skin colored underwear that didn’t fit. Yes, I had my cake and ate it too (even more so if my last minute creative cat poop character made it in.)
I’m not encouraging anyone to do the same because I’m lucky enough to currently work, just make sure you know what you’re getting into and how to get out (if you’re crazy enough to do it to begin with) because the entertainment industry isn’t what you think it is.