Welcome to Indian Politics , the place where there are no permanent friends, no permanent foes, a lot of foul language and even more foul play, a place where sycophancy is desired, authoritarianism accepted, word play is an art and shooting daggers by talking and not by doing is looked forward to. It’s Indian politics, the ultimate circus of democracy. As the Lok Sabha elections look all set to begin from 7th April, not only Narendra Modi , Rahul Gandhi , Arvind Kejriwal and the likes are gearing up for it, but so are their supporters and admirers. Here is a rundown of different kinds of people inside the political arena (or outside!).
1. The fanboys and fangirls
They are your usual sycophants, adulating their bosses, like what Digvijay Singh is to Congress (read Soniaji and Rahul baba!). Always hailing their favourite party, adulating their prime ministerial candidate and making them demi-gods. They might also have posters of them in their rooms, one can easily wonder. Jeena yaha marna yaha, “unke” siwa jana kaha?
Picture Credits: huffingtonpost.com
2. The smug intellectuals
The arrogance of the ‘smug intellectuals’ is definitely unmistakable. They listen to all the arguments and are simultaneously shooting darts at your face in their minds if you do not consent with their views. Usually high on knowledge, they act as the in house ‘know-it-alls’. What’s worse is that apart from being a powerhouse of insane amount of knowledge and political trivia, they act as if their opponent knows nothing at all. Now that’s a double whammy .
Picture Credits: pandawhale.com
3. The herd of sheep
The worst kind , the herd of sheep is plaguing the politics in this nation. They support a candidate just for the heck of it. Never have they heard their supposedly favourite leader talk, but still their support for him or her is like this nation’s admiration for Sachin Tendulkar , almost unanimous. They are like MBA students , following a certain section of people because they are unsure about their issues, their thoughts and most of all, because it looks ‘Cool’.
Picture Credits: reddit.com
4. The silent ones
For a certain group of people , silence is golden. They don’t indulge in internet Rahul vs Modi wars, they don’t post instigating statuses, they don’t tweet politics. They might think they are doing the right thing but somehow they are a threat to democracy. Not voicing your opinion goes against democracy. They are often thought upon as people with less political knowledge, due to their lack of putting forward their views, but they certainly are not. If only they talked more! Sigh!
Picture Credits: comicvine.com
5. The ‘apolitical because Politics is so dirty’ ones
They base their disinterest in politics by calling politics ‘dirty’ and then self proclaiming their apolitical-ness. They live in denial all their lives. One thing is to like something and not like something. Another thing is to outrageously berate something just because one lacks ample knowledge on the issue. And not just an issue, here we are talking about THE issue. Not taking part in the truest testament of democracy, elections, is not fulfilling the duties of an efficient citizen of the nation.
Picture Credits: imgfave.com
6. The nonchalant selfie group
They don’t care if India is swimming in gold or going to the dogs. They don’t care if Andhra Pradesh is bifurcated or Arnab Goswami has a field day with Rahul Gandhi (“Rahul who? K3G waala ya Kuch Kuch Hota Hai waala?”). As long as they can get a selfie in the coolest club, they are ensured of a good night’s sleep. And if they can have one with the heartthrobs like Ranbir Kapoor or Alia Bhatt, then their mission in life is definitely accomplished.
Picture Credits: sonicmetennant.tumblr.com
7. The ‘I love you till eternity’ kind
“Oh Rahul Gandhi is using ‘women empowerment’ for the hundredth time, he knows his shit!”
“Oh look, Narendra Modi is making sure Gujarat is the next Tokyo, he is the coolest!”
“Oh look Arvind Kejriwal left his ‘job’ in 49 days. My dream man!”
There are the famous sycophants (read point 1), and there are the outright dim witted loyalists who not only LOVE their leaders but also try to comprehend their hateful speeches and misguided quotes in the most positive way possible (like our English teachers decoding the simple poems in high school!). More like ‘jo tum ko ho pasnd wahee baat kahenge tum din ko agar raat kaho, raat kahenge.’
Picture Credits: columbialion.com
8. The ‘bloody’ abusers
Now some people resort to the same old name calling when they have no valid argument left in their pockets. Mothers and sisters are put on the table and chaste Hindi expletives pleasure your ears. After a while both parties forget who their chosen leader was, it just becomes who can bring out the dirtiest abuse possible. Whatte contest!
9. The stereotypes
Now what is India without stereotypes ? Nothing. Politics too has its fair share of snarky stereotypical comments. The ever famous men-women stereotype comes first to the mind. Politics and women don’t mesh together, they say. What do they know that women are actually the smarter gender when it comes to politics. They don’t adulate, make hasty decisions, or put up a false ‘intellectual’ show for anyone (husbands are enough for that!). So saying that women don’t know a thing or two about politics is the most absurd stereotype one can put out!
10. The ‘WHAT’ kind
I don’t really have a name for some supporters who strip for their beloved leader or create soft porn-ish videos for the to-be PM. I don’t get the idea to cover one’s boobs with party flags to show their support. Try saying “I support XYZ”. That helps too. Gaining cheap publicity out of Lok Sabha elections is another despicable act. So you see them and go all “Whaaaaaaaaaat?”